Under my Hat

It's been awhile. Much of this year I've spent finding myself. I checked back in on dating sites.. I've been to the hospital and off work for 7 weeks... and since August, I've been overloaded at work. I decided to open my blog back up and see how it goes. I'm not even sure I know what I want to talk about, but there are times I really miss journaling my words in order to get my ideas straight. I have a few friends, but no one I'm even remotely romantically involved in, but that's not a bad thing. I think a person needs to be okay with themselves first and foremost.  It takes a lot of time to be that type of person... to be satisfied with life in general. I think I'm headed in a good direction as far as that goes. I just got back from Kentucky, where I spent the holidays with my two daughters... they just turned 16 and 21.  I still can't believe I have a 21 year old offspring. I look back and wish I had done many things differently with them...ther...

Okay... I have no business being online.... or on some of the sites... most every post I make are general posts not aimed at anyone... I won't engage in the sort of childish behavior that I find myself wanting to do... I try to vent, but I realize that some people are just too petty to be around... and that's okay.. It's not like I really need anything in particular... so I closed down some things... changed a bit here too... in fact, no one can read what I'm typing now... so I am the guy that just sits and talks to himself... at least it gives me a chance to get things out. I have a tendency to something post for others anyway, no matter how much I try not to... this way I can alleviate that hindrance to having a blog that isn't tainted... I think it may turn out to be much better this way... will I open it up again at some point??  ...I don't know... I might not even have it unreachable by the public for very long of a time.. but if someone wants access, they...

You know how it is when you are certain you know something... then you find out it isn't true? ...I've done that more than once in my life... I think that maybe we all jump to conclusions too quickly at times.  I am always joking about how I am never wrong... it's sort of my thing... and where I'm not admitting to being wrong now... it is possible I've made more than my share of mistakes in my life. I think it's funny that some mistakes always come back around to haunt you years... sometimes even decades after the incident occurred. I look at my life and really don't see much remarkable.. I'm not even sure why people read my blog anymore... it's not like I have a whole lot to say... I just use it as a journal.. sort of a diary... I also use it to get out things that are rattling around inside of my head.  I can't see where that's really all that interesting. I was a much better writer at one time.. even though I'm not horrible now, I hav...

Another morning... and Dad is still here.. I only got woken up once last night to see if I was okay... I'm starting to miss the nights when I got unbroken sleep.  Sure... occasionally I have to get up to answer the call of nature... (no, I don't mean masturbating) ...but I limit myself to no liquids within two hours of bedtime and it seems to work. I woke up early this morning and got some things taken care of.. now I'm taking a few minutes out for myself.  Do you ever wonder why we are so preoccupied with time... and needing to know what time it is.. I have several clocks in my house.. including 4 in the kitchen on various devices. We all put ourselves on some type of schedule.  I wonder if it will be this way when I retire... of course that's still 15 years off.. but I yearn for a time when I get up when I want.. sleep when I want.. and no one tells me when I have to do anything... or at least mostly not... I think my dad is on that now... He's still awake at var...

I'm developing a conscience.. I know... it's a sad day.. but I feel badly when I say something without thinking... and then someone takes it negative... at one time I kept up with who read my blog.. and who didn't... but as of late... I just assumed that no one reads it except the one or two that I gave it to... and I wasn't even certain how much they read..  I haven't even been watching the counter at the bottom of the page...  I don't want to censor myself.. but I don't want to hurt anyone with my thoughts either. Sometimes I get on a small trip to the back corners of my mind and dig stuff out. I really have no business doing that, as the past needs to stay in the past.. today I talked about people who were in my life at one time.. and I said things that if you think about it.. might be negative.. I still overthink things.. I suppose it's something I'll always do... but I believe that everyone makes choices that is best for them... and that's ...

I don't think any of us really have life planned... or if we do, we end up having to make revisions of our plan. I am one that doesn't believe in absolutes... but I do believe in strong probabilities.. and I try to play the odds. Except in lottery tickets... I play those occasionally against the odds. That doesn't mean that I know what's going to happen... but in most situations, I can take a well-educated guess. It's getting much easier with age. I feel that with each passing year, I'm missing out on things that I wanted to do someday. Unfortunately, I'm not at a point in my life where I can do much about it. I still have many limitations put on me... well.. actually I put them on myself, but I'm more inclined to do that than I am to face the consequences of what happens if I go ahead and do them. I know that sounds cryptic, but it's not meant to be... it just covers a wide variety of circumstances.  There are parts of me that would just love to no...

Finally... semi-caught-up at work.. and there is talk of overtime opening up... we'll see how that goes.  I will be happy to be away from the house more while my dad is here.. I got everything lined up for repair to my vehicle... and the insurance got the rental scheduled... so all is good there.. I don't seem to be having any luck with my insulin injections so far.. they haven't hurt.. but they haven't helped either... so I need to contact my endocrinologist and see what he has to say.  I am a bit anxious for the warm weather to get here so I can get a bit more exercise... I am logging into the flirting sites... just to get the witty remarks out of my system... I don't have much social interaction these days... just a few texts on occasion... but I can live with that. Dad hampers my mood for social interaction anyway.  I know at some point he won't be with us anymore... or at least that's probable... with my luck he will outlive me.. I don't actually...

It's another day.. with Dad still here.. He's been here for a week today... and I have no clue when he is going to leave... I don't think he does either. I do love him, but it's getting monotonous. I have 4 rooms with lights I can turn off with my Alexa app. This will save him from having to get up... from his living room couch (that still bothers me that he won't use any of the beds.) The other morning I hear him say.. "Alexa, living room off" about 5 or 6 times.... when I go to see what's up, he's trying to turn off the overhead light instead of the lamp in the wifi plug.. I explain to him it's the other light and turn off the overhead light... then I say "Alexa, living room on" ... nothing happens...  again I try to coax my electronic assistant to turn it on... with still no results.. after 3 more attempts, I go check out the plug on the lamp..   It's still plugged in... then an idea hits me.. Evidently Dad got up and walked a...

There are times in our lives when we just coast... not making an effort to get anywhere or do anything... I feel like I'm at that point now at times, but then I also feel like I am making an effort... just to keep from sinking... I am in the best shape financially that I've been in for a long time... but there are always so many things to do. Work is still the same... I'm covering well more than what I'm paid.. with little overtime. I did get to drive to Delaware last week and at least get away from the center for awhile. I am currently haggling with insurance companies about my vehicle after getting hit in the rear. It's so simple of an open and shut case... but I am trying to put out of my mind the particulars and let my insurance company handle it... I just see them raising my rates even though it wasn't my fault.... just because evidently she didn't have insurance. I have to figure out the logistics of body shop repair and getting a rental.. but that wi...

I'm up... and should be almost ready to leave for work... but due to an appointment with the Endocrinologist, I won't be leaving for at least another hour... I think our body clocks get used to something over time... and when we alter from our norm, we get screwed up on a deeper level. I am just now getting used to the time change that happened a couple of weeks ago... or was it last week. I seem to have lost my bearings as most days seem to run together now. It's like I just stay behind on everything I have to do... but it's my own fault. I have immersed myself so much into playing World of Warcraft that I have shut out a lot of things. I know it's not healthy, but I think maybe it is a retreat mechanism. Work is first and foremost the largest drain on me at the moment... and even though I could be working from home, I know I won't get paid for it.. so it doesn't motivate me.. even if I could get a little extra time added to my time off... I already spend...

So... it's been over a month... I just haven't been feeling the need to write things down, although many things have been happening... nothing major in the respect of my improving my socialization skills, though. I'm just as anti-social now as ever, although I have a few friends that drag me out of my humble abode from time-to-time. The program I work for... has requested their budget for fiscal year 2019 (starting Oct. 1, 2019) to no longer fund the Forest Service... which if granted would mean I am no longer teaching at that point. It is a possibility that I might be looking for employment for a bit. Luckily I get put at the top of the lists for other job prospects. It might not be such a bad thing...   In the meantime, our center is the pilot program for a few projects... one of which will be the implementation of the Microsoft Imagine Academy. I just see it as adding more work onto my already full plate of responsibilities. I see so much dissension in our society a...

It's been awhile... I have mixed emotions about posting here... I think I let other people dictate what I write.. maybe not in a direct way.. but because of my caring what they think of that.  I believe we all tend to do that.. I miss the old style fundamental interaction I had when I first started this blog. It's gotten to be less of a diary and more of a list of complaints about my life... and there seems to be too much focus on what is bad.. and less of what good things are taking place. I am still covered up at work, but I think that's going to be the norm for quite awhile. I do take stuff home with me to work on, but I try not to let it run my evenings and weekends.  I find myself retreating more and more back into World of Warcraft. I know that it can be addicting if I let it, so I'm trying not to become so engrossed that I forget to live my life.  It's been so cold here, most of what I do is stay at home anyway.. so I really am not missing out on much by i...

It's been a freakin' cold January so far... this is the first day above freezing here... I know Winter has finally arrived. I wanted to get a bit more done at work, but the cold has stopped that, as I need to move some stuff to the other building. Also... my dad followed me back from Kentucky, so because of the weather.. he hasn't been able to leave. I am seriously hoping tomorrow is the day I can start getting back to normal... I have a bit of cleaning to do once he leaves.. especially my couch that he chooses to sleep on despite the fact that I have two spare beds and a blow up bed for him to move wherever he wants to move it. It's just frustrating. I started this today... and decided to continue tonight as it got busy at work.. I don't know what I'm expecting to come from this blogging... but after over 800 blog entries... I don't really feel any more enlightened than when I began this journey... maybe someday when I'm old I'll look back and se...