I Appreciate Myself Much More Than That.

I've learned that I have a very suspicious nature... at least in accepting a compliment. I had a supervisor send me an email thanking me for all I do... and my experience and knowledge I bring to the center, as well as my willingness to help out. I know this all to be true.. not being the slightest bit modest... but I never have received something like that out of the blue.. so my brain went straight to "What does she want from me?" I know she is happily married.. so I don't think it's anything personal.. but now I'm watching for a request for something added to my list of stuff I do extra... or maybe it was just someone being nice and appreciative.  I find that odd and even unnerving at times... basically because I don't think people are that way naturally. How many people send nice letters to people without some motivation... whether it be a specific day.... or something they hope to get from that person.  I'll be the first to admit that I almost never do that myself... but maybe I'm just an ass.

It's a rainy drizzly day here... gray skies... cold... just above freezing. I need to do laundry, but I'm lacking motivation. I tend to do that when I don't feel like getting out.  I'm hoping to get a few things done around the house tonight... I always feel like I have my life together a bit when I catch up on things. Most of the time... I don't have things caught up. I have had an uneasy feeling about everything in general lately... I don't know why... I just do... like things are too calm... and soon fate is going to kick me in the balls again. I've had enough of that in the last few years.  I probably bring most of it on myself... but that doesn't change the fact that it does happen.

I'm not making plans for this weekend... not yet... but I'll wait and see how things go. I've been going out with Red... but she doesn't seem to be motivated to take any initiative in planning anything... I'm not getting sucked into one of those relationships where it's left to me to carry it all. Four dates so far, and I feel like I've been putting much more than my share into it.  Maybe she's being cautious.. and that's fine... It's not like I have a whole lot of stuff happening in my life, anyway. It will be okay however it turns out.  I don't have much in the way of expectations at this point. I appreciate myself much more than that. 

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