Making The Best Of It I Can.
It's a bit of a tense week at work.. we're having our review... happens once every 2 - 3 years... and all the managers go ape shit crazy for a few weeks... everyone is trying to hide all the stuff we're doing that we aren't supposed to be doing... and make it look like we are doing all the stuff we're supposed to be doing that we're not. In other words, it's a dog and pony show... I've been through many of them though. I am not hanging anyone out to dry, but I'm not lying about anything either. I'm just hoping for Friday to get here and all to be over with so things can get back to normal.
I made beans and cornbread last night... let the stove stay on simmer all night long. Tonight is chicken breasts... and leftover pinto beans and cornbread... I'm getting decent at making it as a pan of cornbread... as I usually just make corncakes... still it's nice to experiment in the kitchen. I don't really have a whole lot on my mind as of right now... but I figured I needed to keep in the habit of blogging just a bit each day so that I don't fall into complacency of not getting what's on my mind out there... at least if I keep making the attempt to clear my mind, at least I keep my brain active. Who knows... there might be a catharsis for something more meaningful.
I was told that I'm judgemental... I'll agree with that... we all judge... just most people keep silent about it... I don't like doing that... it makes me irritated with myself for not sharing my true feelings with someone... especially someone I feel close to... but I understand that most aren't able to do that... they feel the need to internalize those emotions to the point they let them fester and eat themselves up inside... The true test of any relationship isn't how it works while everyone is hunkydory and all agreeable.. the test is when there is a little conflict and can a person still voice their opinion... I don't have to have the same opinion that those around me have... but it goes to show that I have stronger beliefs in my opinion... if only for the fact that I don't have to hide mine.
I still think I'm spoiled... I'm okay with that... still wish I had something in my life that matched what I've felt in the past... even remotely that strong... the problem is... I don't... and don't expect to. I'm not overly concerned about it, but it irritates me that the strongest emotion in my life is based on something that can never be. I'm in no way allowing myself to continue to believe in things from my past... but it's sad that there doesn't seem to be anything realistic that can provide those same feelings. Am I cursed to live a life of hope that things might be better? I don't know yet... and I'm not giving up on what I have... but I have to admit.... my outlook seems a bit more bleak each day.
I'm not making much of an effort now... I'm just trying not to fall back into past practice... I will continue moving forward and making the best of it I can.
I made beans and cornbread last night... let the stove stay on simmer all night long. Tonight is chicken breasts... and leftover pinto beans and cornbread... I'm getting decent at making it as a pan of cornbread... as I usually just make corncakes... still it's nice to experiment in the kitchen. I don't really have a whole lot on my mind as of right now... but I figured I needed to keep in the habit of blogging just a bit each day so that I don't fall into complacency of not getting what's on my mind out there... at least if I keep making the attempt to clear my mind, at least I keep my brain active. Who knows... there might be a catharsis for something more meaningful.
I was told that I'm judgemental... I'll agree with that... we all judge... just most people keep silent about it... I don't like doing that... it makes me irritated with myself for not sharing my true feelings with someone... especially someone I feel close to... but I understand that most aren't able to do that... they feel the need to internalize those emotions to the point they let them fester and eat themselves up inside... The true test of any relationship isn't how it works while everyone is hunkydory and all agreeable.. the test is when there is a little conflict and can a person still voice their opinion... I don't have to have the same opinion that those around me have... but it goes to show that I have stronger beliefs in my opinion... if only for the fact that I don't have to hide mine.
I still think I'm spoiled... I'm okay with that... still wish I had something in my life that matched what I've felt in the past... even remotely that strong... the problem is... I don't... and don't expect to. I'm not overly concerned about it, but it irritates me that the strongest emotion in my life is based on something that can never be. I'm in no way allowing myself to continue to believe in things from my past... but it's sad that there doesn't seem to be anything realistic that can provide those same feelings. Am I cursed to live a life of hope that things might be better? I don't know yet... and I'm not giving up on what I have... but I have to admit.... my outlook seems a bit more bleak each day.
I'm not making much of an effort now... I'm just trying not to fall back into past practice... I will continue moving forward and making the best of it I can.
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