Not Much Is Working So Far.
Soooooooo.... maybe the date on Wednesday night didn't go as well as I thought.... I've sent a couple of messages.. and get very short answers... That plus the fact that she updated her dating profile... leads me to believe she is still seeking something else... I get that she might not be certain about "us" ...but to be actively engaged in the process of looking for more... I'll just say it doesn't put me in a positive mode of thinking about her experience with me. That's okay ...it goes back to the crappy saying I hate "It is what it is" ...although I thought that one date is almost impossible to get a good indicator on how things are going.. unless it truly was a bad one for her. My last online account ...the one at eharmony runs out in a few weeks... and I'm not renewing it... I'll just continue in my own fashion and let nature take its course. I know I've always said that to make changes, you have to play an active role... but at some point, you have to quit beating your head against a wall. I am only what I am... and if that isn't good enough for someone.... so be it.
We have a serious review of our center next week. I am not looking to enjoy the time they're here, because management gets so wound up about what all is going on. Now is the time where most of them are trying to put on a dog and pony show to draw attention away from the many things they do... or don't do... that are against procedure. This center is like many others in that respect... but they are still the best run center that I've seen. The whole program has many deficiencies.... and the fact that they keep cutting money when expenses keep going up... at some point, something has to break. Our center is always over budget. That's not a good thing... but where I came from... it is now a double computer tech trade, and one of my friends just got moved into the second instructor position. They've screwed up my "well-oiled" machine... trying to get students through in 22 weeks.... not covering all the material. They had their first 3 try for A+ certification yesterday and all 3 failed miserably.. not just a few points... but well over a hundred points... My old supervisor tried to get me to cut corners on training for years... but I've learned you can't do that... sure there are those students who can get through the material much more quickly than others... but that's a rare instance. I'm glad I'm not working there anymore.
It seems like I'm going through the cycle of pushing everyone away again... I'm not even certain why I do that. I know it's my fault... and I'm okay with people being in my life. But we all tend to make it out to be more than it is. I've thought about abandoning the whole online world... it's not exactly real... it's only a means to fill certain holes in our lives because we are lacking of that substance in our world. I sometimes feel it would be much more productive to invest the time and energy into something that actually affects me positively. It is certain that I get more than my share of negativity from the online forums. Even my "friends" ...I'm not really a part of their world... I'm more like the voice they can turn to in order to make them feel better about how crappy things are going... at least that's been my experience.. I do enjoy the outlet for the banter... but there is little substance in the interaction online..... it's all just words.. and as I've said many times before, Words are just Words. There is little meaning behind them if there are no actions to back them up... or if actions contradict them.. which is many times the case. Life is about change... maybe it's about time for me to make some major changes... I know not much is working so far.
We have a serious review of our center next week. I am not looking to enjoy the time they're here, because management gets so wound up about what all is going on. Now is the time where most of them are trying to put on a dog and pony show to draw attention away from the many things they do... or don't do... that are against procedure. This center is like many others in that respect... but they are still the best run center that I've seen. The whole program has many deficiencies.... and the fact that they keep cutting money when expenses keep going up... at some point, something has to break. Our center is always over budget. That's not a good thing... but where I came from... it is now a double computer tech trade, and one of my friends just got moved into the second instructor position. They've screwed up my "well-oiled" machine... trying to get students through in 22 weeks.... not covering all the material. They had their first 3 try for A+ certification yesterday and all 3 failed miserably.. not just a few points... but well over a hundred points... My old supervisor tried to get me to cut corners on training for years... but I've learned you can't do that... sure there are those students who can get through the material much more quickly than others... but that's a rare instance. I'm glad I'm not working there anymore.
It seems like I'm going through the cycle of pushing everyone away again... I'm not even certain why I do that. I know it's my fault... and I'm okay with people being in my life. But we all tend to make it out to be more than it is. I've thought about abandoning the whole online world... it's not exactly real... it's only a means to fill certain holes in our lives because we are lacking of that substance in our world. I sometimes feel it would be much more productive to invest the time and energy into something that actually affects me positively. It is certain that I get more than my share of negativity from the online forums. Even my "friends" ...I'm not really a part of their world... I'm more like the voice they can turn to in order to make them feel better about how crappy things are going... at least that's been my experience.. I do enjoy the outlet for the banter... but there is little substance in the interaction online..... it's all just words.. and as I've said many times before, Words are just Words. There is little meaning behind them if there are no actions to back them up... or if actions contradict them.. which is many times the case. Life is about change... maybe it's about time for me to make some major changes... I know not much is working so far.
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