I Am Just Existing.
I am addicted... to Facebook games? My daughters are off from school this week for fall break. I could sleep an extra hour in the morning.. but have I been? ...nope.. my first thought in the morning.. is log in to my Facebook so I can get things off my stove.. and put on other things. I am letting my Facebook game apps run my life. So.. now my alarm is set for 6 am.. I reset it this morning when I almost woke up at 5.. until I realized that I didn't really want to get up... not yet anyway. I am somewhat ashamed that I am still thinking about how I could get a few minutes in.. just a few.. it won't hurt if I have the time.. I'm talking like a true addict. I hate letting anything have that much control over my life. I have several more constructive things I could do.. and as I think about them.. and working on them.. my mind drifts once more to.. "how long can I do without my Facebook to prove I can do without it" ...this really is starting to bother me.
I guess we all have our addictions. I know I used to have the sites.. I did my stint with the World of Warcraft addiction... any number of things can hold my interest to the point I start getting obsessed. I should be focusing on training myself for updating my computer skills for when I am laid off and have to prove myself again. I have gotten my class to the point where it runs itself.. and lately I let it.. and what do I do in my office most of the day now? ...you guessed it .. Facebook games. I will give it a little bit of time... but I am not going to spend the majority of my spare time wasted to get to the next level... this is complete and utter foolishness.
I think sometimes I spend too much time online. Maybe it's time to focus on something else.. to get a break and do things that have purpose.... or at least constructive.. even if it is online. I can try to justify how it occupies my mind all I want.. thus giving me peace of mind. That doesn't really hold water when you look at it objectively. We can make ourselves believe just about anything we want to if we choose to focus hard enough on it. I think that's why I was on the sites for so long.. believing that I needed someone to interact with in order to feel loved and appreciated. I have somewhat neglected my daughters because I spend so much time online. I know they don't say much.. well.. my youngest one said she wanted to spend some time with me to "bond". They are both off this week from school for Fall break. I almost feel guilty that I spend very little time with them. I am having to work.. and I have other things that will pull me away, but I need to spend just a bit more time with them.. especially since I am going to be moving out in about 3 months.. I am trying to get my life focused in the right direction, but things are still so much in the air about pretty much everything. My life is chaotic enough without me trying to cause more issues by overcomplicating things.. I think that is why I sit safely in front of my computer screen and do very little. I was talking with someone the other day and said ... if there is something you don't like about yourself.. change it. It really is that simple. Sometimes we lack the willpower or motivation to do things. I think I've lost a lot of motivation in my life. That's why I just exist. ...it's why I have problems getting overjoyed or excited about anything. I need to get away and put things in perspective. I am in such a rut here. I want to believe I can pull myself out of it.. but I can't.. not if I don't get started. Who knows.. maybe the rut is where I belong. I have no clue as to my future.. but maybe I can get more involved in my own life just to see a bit where it is going. Right now.. I am just existing.
I guess we all have our addictions. I know I used to have the sites.. I did my stint with the World of Warcraft addiction... any number of things can hold my interest to the point I start getting obsessed. I should be focusing on training myself for updating my computer skills for when I am laid off and have to prove myself again. I have gotten my class to the point where it runs itself.. and lately I let it.. and what do I do in my office most of the day now? ...you guessed it .. Facebook games. I will give it a little bit of time... but I am not going to spend the majority of my spare time wasted to get to the next level... this is complete and utter foolishness.
I think sometimes I spend too much time online. Maybe it's time to focus on something else.. to get a break and do things that have purpose.... or at least constructive.. even if it is online. I can try to justify how it occupies my mind all I want.. thus giving me peace of mind. That doesn't really hold water when you look at it objectively. We can make ourselves believe just about anything we want to if we choose to focus hard enough on it. I think that's why I was on the sites for so long.. believing that I needed someone to interact with in order to feel loved and appreciated. I have somewhat neglected my daughters because I spend so much time online. I know they don't say much.. well.. my youngest one said she wanted to spend some time with me to "bond". They are both off this week from school for Fall break. I almost feel guilty that I spend very little time with them. I am having to work.. and I have other things that will pull me away, but I need to spend just a bit more time with them.. especially since I am going to be moving out in about 3 months.. I am trying to get my life focused in the right direction, but things are still so much in the air about pretty much everything. My life is chaotic enough without me trying to cause more issues by overcomplicating things.. I think that is why I sit safely in front of my computer screen and do very little. I was talking with someone the other day and said ... if there is something you don't like about yourself.. change it. It really is that simple. Sometimes we lack the willpower or motivation to do things. I think I've lost a lot of motivation in my life. That's why I just exist. ...it's why I have problems getting overjoyed or excited about anything. I need to get away and put things in perspective. I am in such a rut here. I want to believe I can pull myself out of it.. but I can't.. not if I don't get started. Who knows.. maybe the rut is where I belong. I have no clue as to my future.. but maybe I can get more involved in my own life just to see a bit where it is going. Right now.. I am just existing.
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