My Life Is My Own.. And I Must Live It.

I'm getting back into the swing of blogging again.. and for the most part.. I feel healthy about it.  I felt for a long time that I needed to just get things off my chest.. and make people see what I was thinking.. now... it doesn't really matter.  People are either going to read this.. or they aren't.. Those that do know what to expect by now.. If they're offended or surprised by what I say here, screw 'em.. I am blogging purely for myself. I suppose in the past, there were little hidden meanings behind some of the things I put down.. maybe I was hoping someone would read it and realize it was meant for them.. and that was wrong of me.. I let someone else shape my blog.  For myself, I should keep my ideas true to what I am thinking at the time.. it seems I am much happier that way.  I don't care who reads this stuff anymore.. but it is a place for me to put down my thoughts. I am glad to see the direction my blog is taking too.. nothing here about poor, poor pitiful me.. it is a realistic view of what I am seeing.. or thinking.

I got the latest expansion to World of Warcraft.. I haven't played it yet.. probably this weekend will be the first opportunity to play.  I don't want to get too wrapped up in it.. I feel like lately that I have let myself become stagnant.. I sit and am happy, but I don't get active anymore.. and that's something I've sorta wanted to get back into for the longest time... something active... that actually requires more than mental effort.  I need to get focused on learning the new tech stuff.. my profession is slowly pulling ean try to allot a certain amount of time each week to only studying.. it's just difficult to get my lazy ass up and actually do it. I don't seem to have very much motivating me in my life at the moment.. and I don't know that I ever will.. I am content on just sitting around.. resting.. I can make whatever excuses I want.. and that's all they are.. excuses.. if I want my life to change.. then I have to make an effort to change it.. otherwise.. I need to quit bitching and moaning..   I am in control of my actions... and as long as I base my thoughts on myself.. and put the expectations on myself.. then I'm the only one I can blame.  I think I tend to try to blame others for my issues.. when I know better than to do some of the things I've done.  I made my own bed and now.. it's up to me to deal with the crap when it arises.  I try to take into account other's feelings.. but at the end of the day.. I have to be content with what I've done.. and who I am.  I can feel my attitude changing.. I am no longer playing the game of being a pushover.. If something isn't for me.. I'm leaving it alone.. It may mean I end up spending my older years by myself.. but.. I'm okay with that too.  I take every day as I come to it.. and let the future take care of itself.  I have put too much thought into wanting a future with someone.. when I should just be wanting a future with me.  My life is my own.. and I must live it.