Taking Things As They Come.

I believe that people need to seek drama to be happy.. or at least some do. I am not happy, but again.. I'm not unhappy, either. I am still stuck in limbo.. election time is getting closer.  I am hoping that some type of change comes soon afterwards.  I really hate my spouse having so much dependence on me. I struggle to maintain a great deal of independence, myself.  It is her neediness that makes me so frustrated. I will support my daughters.. and give them the support they need, but I know she will struggle with living because she's too afraid to do things on her own. Once I am free of my situation, I will enjoy my independence.. I want to live by myself now.  I would like to go home.. and be alone sometimes.. more often than not.  I do know that once I get out.. I will be on my own for several years before even thinking about settling down again. I sometimes feel I have never really gotten a chance to live for myself... maybe it is a bit selfish.. but I will take time to figure out who I am.. without losing myself in requirements.  I know that we have to do certain things just to live. I understand that there are commitments we must hold ourselves to.. but I feel like since I've been married, that my spouse has depended on me to be there... and is probably afraid to say anything about her dislikes because maybe she feels trapped to.  It shouldn't be that way.. and makes me even more irritated that she can't do a lot of things on her own.  My spouse has revolved her life around being a mother.  I understand that is what she wanted.. but she would never live her life outside the home if I weren't around.  I don't want to be the person to make things happen... so she will have to deal with things once I am gone.  If she wants to be stuck at home all the time, and live her life indoors.. that's her choice.  I am going go get out when I want.. at least when I don't have the kids.. I hate the feeling that someone is requiring me to do things.. and living under their scrutiny.. I get so much of that from my dad.  My sister is springing for everyone to fly down to a condo outside of Orlando for Thanksgiving this year, because no one wants to do the cooking thing like my mom did every year.  It is really a sad time and I think they're all just wanting to get away. I won't be able to go, as I just found out and 4 weeks isn't enough time to know in advance for a whole week off. I tried to get my family to go and just leave me.. my wife is okay with it.. but my daughters don't want to go without me.  I am worried they are too attached.. and possibly will cause even more difficulty when leaving than I first thought.  I am sorry, but they will just have to deal with it, too.  I can't protect them from all sad things. I'm not stupid though.. I won't move out.... just to move again in a few months.. so I will need to see what is going on with my job.. and hopefully it will coincide with my plans to move out after the first of the year.. if not.. I will have to make another decision.. on whether to ride out my employment status.. or go ahead and make a break.  I like working for the government.. and whether it looks like it or not, it is fairly stable.. and has a decent retirement.. so.. I will weigh all factors.. and then do what I feel is the best course of action.. so this time next year.. I might be 2,000 miles away.. or maybe 200.. who knows. I am just taking things as they come.