Under my Hat

I woke up at 3:30 this morning... I'm letting my last evaluation get to me more than I realize.. it's bothering me this morning to the point where I have come up with a plan... my current supervisor has to do my midyear eval in a few months... if she's not late again.. I am going to submit one question to be included in my evaluation... according to regulations, I have that right...  "Last year, when my evaluation was done, by the measurement system in place, I was running at 132.1% of my goals... which made me the 12th ranked trade of all trades on any center in the nation. On top of that, I had served over 30 days as acting vocational manager in the absence of one on center. I served as the coordinator for the new student record keeping program at the request of the center director. I was the backup IT point of contact to help resolve computer issues with all staff on center. I spent at least one day each month providing community service in assisting with the food ...

I got sick the evening after writing my last blog... all of a sudden I was violently chilling... my body was almost out of control.. I hadn't felt that badly since 2006... when I had a fever of 108 and my head was packed in ice to keep my brain from frying... that's another story in and of itself.. I can't remember if I blogged about that before or not.. but it was an experience I'll never forget.  Anyway, I was afraid I was headed for a serious illness.  Luckily 14 hours in bed put me in a decent shape... although I slept so turbulently that when I awoke the sheet under me was completely on the floor. I don't remember much of what happened... but I had a serious headache all of yesterday.. today... I felt well enough to go to work. I had to take my class to pass out government commodities to the elderly people in the community. I do that each month for the last 10 years or so.. Today the high temperature was 14 degrees... so it wasn't a very pleasant experienc...

Sometimes I wonder why people make things so complicated.... I'm thinking we often overlook the simplest of things... for example... in the middle east.. if they wanted so stop suicide bombers... why don't they keep pens of a few pigs in all areas they feel susceptible to such actions. The way I understand it... the muslim bombers wouldn't want their blood mixed with pig blood as it would keep them from passing into the afterlife... Maybe I'm wrong in that assumption.. but it seems pretty simple to me.  Why wouldn't this work? ...or can our government not think that simply?  Go figure. I sometimes get these simple ideas about how people have been doing things the hard way for years... at the moment, that's the only one I can think of, but I'm sure I'll remember more in time. My dad came by yesterday... I also heard from an old friend I don't get to hear from very often. She contacted me and just said hi. It makes me smile... as I am not the only o...

Isn't it amazing how the human body works... how it digests food to form building blocks for the body's cells. It really is amazing if you think about it. We take the miracles of nature for granted each day... Most of us don't treat our bodies the way we should.  We mistreat our bodies by putting all these preservatives and stuff that isn't good for us.  Plus... most of us lead a sedimentary lifestyle.  So many times I try to work up the motivation to make changes... and for the last few months.. I've worked a bit on it.. and feel much healthier... it makes a big difference when you have something in your future to work toward. I've been given some warnings in the form of just hinky feelings.. I get those from time to time.. as I've said before, I think people overlook the little signals that the universe throws at them. We get too caught up in our wants.. what we desire for everyday living... that we completely ignore warnings. It takes awhile for people t...

We all live inside our minds... so it's there where we need to keep clean. Get rid of the garbage. It's the only space we have where we can always go... no one can take that from us. I try to always unburden myself of the things deep inside my mind.  In fact, that's the main reason for me starting this blog in the first place. I've had no major issues to get out for a long time now...  but all the minor things are all still there. Well.. I suppose it's what your opinion on what is major and what is minor..  To me.. it's a lot of major... but since I can live for awhile longer without change in certain situations, it's not all that major. I am looking to start with at least a semi-clean slate.. It's because of this that I am trying to avoid any and all drama.. it's just not always easy with all the crap that we subject ourselves to. Still.. we continue to live and grow... I'm on a 3 day weekend.. actually got some movie time in. I think movies ...

I'm a firm believer in the transference of energy... it's one of the universe's constants... energy can be neither created nor destroyed... just changed forms.. the same with matter...  nothing is ever destroyed... it just changes shape... Our lives would be much simpler if we thought along those terms.... but then we let emotion get in the way.  What is emotion?  Is it a form of energy? Does it take energy to even think of things?  I'm sure there's some type of electrical brain activity as we think and dream... otherwise we would be brain dead.  So where does this energy go?  ...I am thinking it might revert to potential energy... but if that's the case... we have so many memories in our head... that our minds would grow to extraordinary potential with loads and loads of potential energy as we grow older. The concept is pretty kewl if you think about it. I think that inside people is an untapped source of enormous power... we are made up of atoms... what ...

Friday!! ...it's colder than a well digger's ass out.. well.. that's what I always heard growing up.. sometimes it seems to fit.  It isn't supposed to get above 30 F here today... so... all the moisture on the roads has frozen... my kids love it... school was called off. Of course that doesn't mean I won't be in class today... our students live on center... so we'll all be there. The clock keeps ticking and things will keep happening.  I'm perfectly fine with that.  It seems I'm "perfectly fine" about a lot of things.. but there are still things that eat away at me on the inside.  I am still seeking change.. as always.. I'm still trying to cope with the ineptitude where I work... it's just all relative to where I'm at and how much comes at me at once.  My dad is a source of great irritation...only because I let him be.. I care about him...   The same with my job... I believe in what I'm doing... so I let things there get to...

My supervisor... the "acting" department manager... is no longer just acting.. Somehow the center has put a counselor from another department with no vocational experience whatsoever... and made this person head of that department. It makes absolutely no sense... but it's the government, what do you expect. It wouldn't be so bad if this person actually stayed in the department and supported us... but she has to get something started... and then push the responsibility over onto someone else... then starting something else... there is very little follow through.. and then she can blame someone else for it not getting done.  It's very frustrating. This is the same person that gave me a mediocre review.. and I might not deserve the highest rating... but for my rating to say that I don't exceed expectations in any one area...well.. it's not accurate.. I had the 12th highest rated trade in the nation... of over 1600 trades.. I had taken on responsibilities of ...

I don't know if everyone is like me... but sometimes I can almost hear the clock ticking away the seconds of my life. I've always said life is short... but many times I can feel it. There's not enough time to waste on fruitless endeavors.  We all are searching for things that keep us happy... at least those things that don't make us unhappy. I have my happy. It's just a chore sometimes to keep weeding out the bullshit from my life.  Life is a lot like a flower garden.  you sow your seeds and look for beautiful flowers to grow. unfortunately, you have to keep weeding. or the weeds will take over your garden.. The most beautiful of gardens take attention.. and planning... but the most beautiful of flowers can grow anywhere.. I'm tending my garden.. making certain to keep what's precious to me from being stifled out by the weeds. It seems a lot of people cannot be happy... unless they are stifling ...something or someone. Maybe it's jealousy? ...or parano...

I had a dream that I was driving a bus last night.. and really had no clue what I was doing... I was trying to fit through places that a bus wouldn't go... and damaging all kinds of things in the process.. I suppose I have a tendency to try to do that... put myself in places that maybe I don't belong.. I know lately I have had several dreams warning me of my unhealthy eating habits... I'm not huge mind you... but I'm certain my cholesterol is up... I'm sure my blood sugar is up.. and the last I checked my blood pressure is higher than it has ever been.  I need to give myself a wake-up call and start eating just a bit more healthily.. I really have a wonderful reason for living... and I need to keep that in mind.  I think sometimes we all do things that aren't the most healthy for us.. Maybe it's due to habit.. maybe we just want to feel good. I have noticed that when my dad calls me, I end up just standing near the refrigerator for a few minutes... and my d...

I sometimes blog things that appear multiple times... and that's okay.. it probably means that it is something that keeps running through my head. I will say that my past isn't something I blog about much other than comments here and there... that's because I honestly feel I've put my past behind me. I will never forget what's happened to me.. and I'd be lying if I said it didn't influence me... we are a culmination of our past experiences.. that's why I'm okay with everything... besides.. there's nothing I can... or would change now. I find that how I view people in a much more negative light.. at least most people. that doesn't mean I will try to mistreat anyone... it only means that I don't let many people close... I've talked about my bubble before... I have discovered that when you keep to yourself... the bubble is very calm.. but it becomes lonely. We all need other people... no matter how much we say we don't. When we aren...

Two of my coworkers lost their mothers this week... it was sort of a sad week.. especially for them.  worked with one of their mothers.. my neighbor is home from rehab.. he is doing much better. My cousin... came out of the closet awhile back... and divorced his wife of 16 years.. leaving her with 5 kids aged 15 to 5...  the thing is... he is making a decent amount of money.... but isn't paying child support.  his wife.. hasn't been able to support them and had to give them up... luckily my other cousin has taken them in... so there are 8 kids in the house now... even if it is her brother... she needs to get money from him for the support of his kids.. It's all a messed up situation... just like so many situations in this world.. It seems most people try to hide things... or pretend... and I may have even done a bit of that myself in days gone by... but I learned my lesson long ago...   You can pretend to justify deception.. or lying.. any a variety of ways... but...

Sometimes we forget about everything bad in our life.... it doesn't mean it still isn't there... it's just that we have something more wonderful to focus on. We all have good and bad... and it's up to us to determine what we let control our life. There is so much that is good in the world... we just lose sight of it at times... and it can be found when we aren't even looking for it.  I'm lucky in what I've gone through hasn't pushed me past the point of breaking my belief in something positive.. I still have hope for the future even though it was buried under layers of cynicism. I let the online world do that to me.. I gave power to trivial things... things that won't matter in the long run... It is a good idea to be mindful of the negative influences.. but don't let them control your life.. don't let them determine who you are. I have the presence of mind to back away when online occurrences start causing me issues... it's that simple. ...