There's Only One Me.

Friday!! ...it's colder than a well digger's ass out.. well.. that's what I always heard growing up.. sometimes it seems to fit.  It isn't supposed to get above 30 F here today... so... all the moisture on the roads has frozen... my kids love it... school was called off. Of course that doesn't mean I won't be in class today... our students live on center... so we'll all be there. The clock keeps ticking and things will keep happening.  I'm perfectly fine with that.  It seems I'm "perfectly fine" about a lot of things.. but there are still things that eat away at me on the inside.  I am still seeking change.. as always.. I'm still trying to cope with the ineptitude where I work... it's just all relative to where I'm at and how much comes at me at once.  My dad is a source of great irritation...only because I let him be.. I care about him...   The same with my job... I believe in what I'm doing... so I let things there get to me more than I should also..  I care about my spouse as well.. so she can be annoying at times... but for the most part I try to not react.  I internalize my issues... at least until I can vent about them with someone I trust. ...or even put them here in my blog.  It seems to help.  Personally, I think everyone should have at least a private journal or diary to put down the occurrences in their lives. Everyone should be able to "get it out" one way or another. I will say that over the years, my attitude has been refined somewhat, but it doesn't really change completely. I remain true to most of my basic beliefs... and will continue to do so.  Honesty and integrity still mean a great deal to me.. it's just a shame that most people don't feel that way.. or they do so as long as it is convenient for them... what the difficult thing is... is holding true to your beliefs when things get complex... It's easy to develop a behavior and stick to it if it is never challenged.. It's not really a belief... but just an attitude of convenience. Most people have developed so many ways to portray who they want to be.. or want people to think they are.. instead of who they actually are... and the longer a person goes about it.. the easier it is for them to don this... mask. That's why it's difficult to believe in people who have been online... they have a built in mask... the internet.. and most choose to use it. I, myself have caught myself in the past... doing things I should never have done... and I'm glad that I take a conscious effort never to let myself get to that point again. It's very easy to do... all you have to do is start with one lie.. or bit of deception... then another creeps in... and you justify this... for the greater good... or... it's for the best... Believe me.. it's not. I know from firsthand experience... and then people see a slow change in themselves... or worse yet.. they don't see it.. but it wears away at who they are... just like the Colorado River wore away at the Grand Canyon... over a period of time... erosion of your soul can affect more change than you realize. Maybe I'm overreacting... or even paranoid... I only know that I'm the most important thing to me... and I have to preserve who I am... even if it takes being overly cautious.  There's only one me.