Don't Let Yourself Down.

I got sick the evening after writing my last blog... all of a sudden I was violently chilling... my body was almost out of control.. I hadn't felt that badly since 2006... when I had a fever of 108 and my head was packed in ice to keep my brain from frying... that's another story in and of itself.. I can't remember if I blogged about that before or not.. but it was an experience I'll never forget.  Anyway, I was afraid I was headed for a serious illness.  Luckily 14 hours in bed put me in a decent shape... although I slept so turbulently that when I awoke the sheet under me was completely on the floor. I don't remember much of what happened... but I had a serious headache all of yesterday.. today... I felt well enough to go to work. I had to take my class to pass out government commodities to the elderly people in the community. I do that each month for the last 10 years or so.. Today the high temperature was 14 degrees... so it wasn't a very pleasant experience.. Sometimes sacrifices must be made if we've made a commitment.  I know all about that. I feel like a make a sacrifice daily... but at some point.. my sense of commitment will be be far less than my need for change... it's already getting to that point now... I am still committed to providing for my daughters... but I feel as though I have sacrificed a large portion of my life... for my daughters... even though it's only been 17 years or so.. to tell the truth they're worth it... and if I thought I was hurting my daughters, I would reverse any and all actions I am making... but I found I am hurting them worse by staying around... another reason for my urgency at trying to find a viable environment where everyone can still live in harmony.

So here I am... tonight lying here.. headache and all.. spending a bit of time each day looking over new job listings and hoping to find something that fits me perfectly... but I'll settle for something that even somewhat fits me... it's just less likely that I'll be able to get it.. especially since there are millions of people right now out there looking for jobs. The thing is... I know that wherever I go.. I'm going to be a tremendous asset... I know that sounds conceited... but it's the truth.. I have more of a work ethic than 99 percent of the people I've ever met.... not saying that 99 percent of the people out there are lazy bums with no work ethic whatsoever... I'm just saying that the degrees of people caring about the quality of work they do has fallen to an all-time low... especially in this country... everyone feels like they are owed something.. I on occasion catch this bug.. and get affected by it. No one owes me anything.. I'm not owed another breath in my body.. Most people need to learn how to take control of their life.. and make it work for them... not expect things to be handed to them.. just because they feel they deserve it.  The idea that a person might feel this way just goes to show the conceited mentality that many have been overtaken with. Many people are just looking for a get-rich-quick way to happiness... I'll be the first to admit.. I'd love to see it happen... and I'll be thankful if it does... but I have to put stock in who I am.. and what I want to be... not what I'm defined as by others... a number of people I talk to.. let others define them.. and they don't even realize it at the time... know thyself.. "gnōthi seauton" γνῶθι σεαυτόν in greek.. it started with Plato and Socrates... and continues to this day... in order to know yourself.. you have to be yourself... not what someone else has made you.  It's wonderful to have the support of friends and loved ones... but when it comes down to it... you can only be held accountable to one person... yourself.. make the most of it.. and don't let yourself down.