I Don't Have A Fire Extinguisher.

It seems as though I'm at an impasse. I start back to unpack... and I get distracted.. most of the time it's me that distracts myself. I want to get finished, it just seems as though all the stuff I have left is small stuff that requires a unique place to store. Sometimes I feel like just throwing a bunch of stuff away... but at the same time, I know I will use it.. and then I'll have to go out and buy it again.  I've discovered one thing through this whole move... I have more things than I ever thought I had. 

Work is going decently, but there are these possible plans that weigh heavily on me... Yes, I have the new union steward position where it will require me to go to training next month for a week... so I will be just south of DC for about a week. I'll have to figure out someone to watch my house while I'm gone. I'll be leaving a month from today... it's going to be an interesting training session. I also have fire training using GIS equipment during the first week in January. It will be an awesome new experience to go out and be a part of the wildland fire fighting team. I'm looking forward to that next year.  I've also been told it's a possibility that they want to make the center where I work specifically a tech training center..... that means I'll have a job for as long as I want it... but I don't think most of the other people are happy with that.  The other tech instructor is planning on retiring in a little over a year.. and he doesn't have much experience anyway. It means a lot of training for those people who choose to remain.. in a field in which they're not familiar. I will have to do some training, myself. I do know that the people who choose to do all of this planning doesn't have a clue on what goes on at my level... and they are talking about sending students with any level of educational background.. including those that really can't read. All I see is a lot of headaches in my future... but I'm not throwing in the towel... I'm pretty adamant about the program as long as I'm making a difference.  Besides, after next Dec, I'll be the only one on center with the program knowledge as well as the course knowledge. It promises to be a bumpy ride. 

I have been back for a short period on the sites.. I am doing my best to stay out of any of the drama.. and evidently there is a lot of drama going on there... at least at one site. I don't really know about the other site. I figure that if someone wants to be a part of my life... really.. they can become a part of it outside the site... because I've gotten to the point where I am mistrustful of people that only want site interaction... it's too easy to hide who you really are... where you really are... I've seen people lie about pretty much everything only to be found out at some point... then there is no way they can interact anymore because no one will engage them... I remember one guy that built this whole persona from England.... and was involved with someone for quite awhile... we all thought he was a pretty cool guy.... until he made one minor mishap and caused the girl he was "seeing" to do some major digging... He ended up apologizing to the entire site and left.. I'm sure more of the same goes on.. only on a smaller scale.  I've found out things about people who pretend... all I do is write them out of my life on a permanent basis... not if it's near the beginning of our friendship.. everyone has a right to not disclose certain things about themselves, but when I become friends with someone, I require honesty in order to develop a degree of trust with someone.. at least after that person starts calling me a friend... There are a lot of potential friends in this world... for most everyone.. but cynicism makes me very cautious on who I let into my life. I am grateful for my cynicism.. it keeps me from doing too many stupid things. It also keeps me from doing certain things that I should do, but I'd much rather err on the side of caution.

I haven't really had a houseguest since I moved in here... but I shouldn't be surprised. I didn't really think things were going to change all that much.  I have a few people that say they might come and visit... even my sisters both say they may be up... and a cousin might possibly be here.. I don't know if any of it will come to fruition. As I said before, I will welcome those that choose to be a part of my life... but I'm not opening doors that don't exist. I've done that too much in the past and ended up having to deal with disappointment.  I know by now that life is full of disappointment and that we either deal with it... or end up crashing and burning. I will take what precautions I must, because even though I'm about to become a fire fighter..  I don't have a fire extinguisher.