Just Wasting Precious Time.

I'm a bit concerned about the house... of course it's probably normal to be this nervous when you put down that much money... I've tried not to concern myself with money, as it seems to usually take care of itself, but I also know that I have to be mindful of it.. so that I don't overextend myself.  My ex just called a bit ago to explain some charges on my daughter's credit card.. I tried to assure her that it was fine... that if they NEED anything.. spend it.. I'll figure it out.. where I would get pissed is if they went on a spending spree and left me holding the bag... so in a sense, I guess I do trust her.. I don't mind spending things on people who are in a pinch.. I've helped out my daughters when things came up... my ex.. when the tree fell on her place.. I've even bought things for my ex-girlfriends.. most of the time that entailed computers... actually I've bought 5 laptops for friends and girlfriends.. 2 tvs.. and a multitude of other things... bikes.. wired money a couple of times... I've never given it much thought until just about 2 minutes ago.  I wouldn't want any of it back... but I don't ever remember getting a whole lot.. it's not about material things.. I suppose I never got much, because I never really needed much. I even feel like an ass for letting my mind wander there.. so enough on that subject...

I want to focus more on trying to improve me.. I know I have many shortcomings.. and I can't change other people... even if I wanted to... but I can make changes to what I don't like about myself. I think I'm too emotional at times. I'm certain a degree of passion about things can be warranted.. but I tend to overthink things and let my emotions dictate my actions on the spur of the moment. I need to stay level-headed and not take my frustrations out when things get out of control. I believe we all tend to do that.. and it's not healthy.  At the same time, I need not to let logic dictate when it comes time to show a bit of emotion.. I do that too... I was once called cold.. and calculating.. and I will always remember that... I really am.. There's not much I do that I don't do for some reason or another.. I've even done that in my blog at times... but then I lose a bit of myself when I let others control what I write... when I give up what's in my heart to write for what's in my head to manipulate.. I don't like being that person.. I believe we all go through a bit of trying to manipulate the world to make it easier on us... The huge problem with that is life isn't easy... and if we spend so much effort trying to bend things to our whim... we're going to lose in other areas. I get so caught up in trying to get somewhere, that I'm not focusing on my journey.. and I lose each precious day where I could be making much more out of it. I suppose I am just wasting precious time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more