Who Really Cares?
Dad finally went home yesterday... now I can get back to walking around the house naked... lol... sounds funny, but it's actually true. I am just happy to be able to sleep through the night without Fox News being blared in the next room... I love him, but he can get on my nerves a bit at times.
I've been busy gathering papers to buy my house... I am a bit nervous that they will find something wrong... or that it won't appraise for enough... but I'm almost certain that won't be the case... it seems priced well below what it should go for. I've started gathering boxes... I dread the packing and the moving... maybe this will be the last time for a long while... if I ever move again..
I'm still at the sites.. I sometimes wonder why I'm even there... I guess it might be to fill the hole in my life for flirty interaction... that's all I can figure... but I know nothing can amount to more. I have tried offline relationships and they don't work for me either... I suppose I have set the bar pretty high with one of my previous relationships that didn't work out... and I haven't found anything that quite makes me feel like that.. although I won't say who because I really don't know now who reads my blogs. I lost my tracker a bit ago... it makes it more interesting anyway... I don't want to write for anyone but myself... and those of you who read this... well... either enjoy it.. or don't.. not my issue either way. As I was saying though... I do miss some of the feelings I used to have... maybe it was just a fantasy... but I think a good solid, real relationship should give you the same butterflies... it should invade your thoughts throughout the day.. I'm not saying it should be an obsession, but if it's important... it should be at the forefront of your life.. not something you make time for at your convenience. I really never understand why, but I always took flight after being severely hurt. I suppose it takes me awhile to adjust to that part of me being gone.. I'm not looking to rekindle any relationship I have had in my past... they fell apart for a reason... but I just couldn't bring myself to hang around after things fell apart.. it's sort of a survival instinct.. to be able to keep my sanity. I know that's hard for some people to understand, but I tend to put most of who I am into my deep feelings... and after I all I was feeling was invalidated.. it's all I could do to make it from day to day... My mistake is that I may have tried plugging up that empty hole.. but it doesn't work that way... all you can do is hope there's enough foundation left elsewhere to build away from it... and leave the hole alone. I might owe apologies to a few people... but I won't say I'm sorry for what I felt... all I can say is that it was unfortunate that things worked out the say they did... and when I was hurt... I did what it took to emotionally survive.. That's what I usually do... what I need to do to protect myself. After all ....besides you, yourself... who really cares?
I've been busy gathering papers to buy my house... I am a bit nervous that they will find something wrong... or that it won't appraise for enough... but I'm almost certain that won't be the case... it seems priced well below what it should go for. I've started gathering boxes... I dread the packing and the moving... maybe this will be the last time for a long while... if I ever move again..
I'm still at the sites.. I sometimes wonder why I'm even there... I guess it might be to fill the hole in my life for flirty interaction... that's all I can figure... but I know nothing can amount to more. I have tried offline relationships and they don't work for me either... I suppose I have set the bar pretty high with one of my previous relationships that didn't work out... and I haven't found anything that quite makes me feel like that.. although I won't say who because I really don't know now who reads my blogs. I lost my tracker a bit ago... it makes it more interesting anyway... I don't want to write for anyone but myself... and those of you who read this... well... either enjoy it.. or don't.. not my issue either way. As I was saying though... I do miss some of the feelings I used to have... maybe it was just a fantasy... but I think a good solid, real relationship should give you the same butterflies... it should invade your thoughts throughout the day.. I'm not saying it should be an obsession, but if it's important... it should be at the forefront of your life.. not something you make time for at your convenience. I really never understand why, but I always took flight after being severely hurt. I suppose it takes me awhile to adjust to that part of me being gone.. I'm not looking to rekindle any relationship I have had in my past... they fell apart for a reason... but I just couldn't bring myself to hang around after things fell apart.. it's sort of a survival instinct.. to be able to keep my sanity. I know that's hard for some people to understand, but I tend to put most of who I am into my deep feelings... and after I all I was feeling was invalidated.. it's all I could do to make it from day to day... My mistake is that I may have tried plugging up that empty hole.. but it doesn't work that way... all you can do is hope there's enough foundation left elsewhere to build away from it... and leave the hole alone. I might owe apologies to a few people... but I won't say I'm sorry for what I felt... all I can say is that it was unfortunate that things worked out the say they did... and when I was hurt... I did what it took to emotionally survive.. That's what I usually do... what I need to do to protect myself. After all ....besides you, yourself... who really cares?
Comments
Post a Comment