I Much Prefer The Second..

Dad has decided he's on his way up today... probably... at least that is what he said yesterday evening. Who knows anymore... I don't really count on a whole lot happening until it actually happens..It's okay to prepare for the negative stuff, but until it comes about, there is no use in spending precious time worrying about it. Unfortunately, many times there are things that take us by surprise... and then we have to deal with it. I would love the lives of my friends and my own life to be as stress free as possible, but there is no way to avoid all the stress. All we can do is figure out the best way to deal with it.  I know that years ago, I let slip to my oldest daughter a major hint that I might be involved with someone... I still remember that well... it ended up with us talking about it.. and she cried... I haven't really told anyone about this... because it was a very difficult moment for me. When it comes down to it.. we do things that maybe we feel we shouldn't... but need to do so for ourselves..  Anything we have to do, we need to be prepared for the worst... even if we are pretty sure it won't happen.... because there is always that possibility. We take chances in our everyday life... and we are certain that we can deal with any negative consequences that come along... but can we, really??  If a person is involved in a crime... do you think they have any intentions on being caught? ...our prisons are full of criminals that thought... I can get away with this... millions of people all thinking the same thing... "It is worth the risk" ... now that is an over-dramatization of what most of us go through.. but how many times do we do things on purpose that could completely overturn our lives... things that can make so many changes we aren't ready for... but we do them anyway.... without regard for the consequences. I know the sites are full of people in this predicament.. Sure, there are some people who aren't doing anything without their spouse or family knowing... but I'm certain there are many more that are hiding their activities... either there... or offline... I did that for awhile... and if I had been caught before my ex-spouse and I had the "talk" ...then I would have come across as looking much more villainous than I actually did... and maybe I was the bad guy.... I know that thoughts about that was a major influence on why I got divorced anyway... A person can keep telling themselves that they stay for the kids... or ... the financial strain would be unbearable... but these are all excuses... Sure... it makes life much more difficult after a divorce... but there are always going to be major issues to deal with... so if someone wants to wait until the right time... It's just not going to happen. I remember near the end of my marriage thinking... maybe something would happen to my ex... and she wouldn't be around anymore.... it was at that point that I realized I was a major ass.. and that I really didn't want anything bad to happen to her... ever... but I also knew that if something did happen... and she became physically dependent on me... that I could never leave. I know several of my friends who are caught in situations like that... their spouse becomes dependent and then they are stuck... and no matter how tough it gets... they do still care about them at some level and could never leave.  I feel badly for anyone stuck in such a situation... but then we have to realize that our actions... or inactions have led us to this point... the point in our lives where we are now... I used the excuse that my kids wouldn't understand... but they are resilient... all you can do is try to be there for them... and they will adjust... My kids knew a long time before my divorce that it might happen... and yes.. it was difficult having that talk with them... Even now, sometimes I feel like a major ass by my actions.. I do know that I will always be there for my kids as long as I'm able... just because I am not there with them doesn't mean I will ever stop loving them with all my heart.. I do miss them all the time I'm not with them... but it's one of the difficult parts of life with which I deal.

I know that I can sound negative at times... but there really are a lot of emotions I deal with on a daily basis... the negative stuff is the things I want to get rid of... to deal with... so they go away... So that's why I blog about them. Those are but a small part of my life... I have things to look forward to... but as I can't dwell on the bad... I don't need to dwell on the good possibilities either... because that just leads to disappointment if and when it doesn't happen. I do still try to live in the day I'm in... it works out much better that way... but keep prepared for possibilities.. they have a way of screwing your life up.... or making it much more enjoyable... I much prefer the second..