So Be It.

I find that I seem to lose focus of the lessons I learned...and however helpful I might think I am... or how much of a friend I try to be... there are so many things out of my control. I come across as this person who has an answer for everything, but it's actually just an opinion.. my opinion based on experiences. I will most times throw things out that go through my mind... just to find out I may have hurt someone in the process... that doesn't mean I didn't mean to say it... it just means that I lost my ability to try to tactfully say something. I feel like sometimes I invade the lives of my friends... and there are even times when I get close to someone... but I have to learn when to draw the line... because no matter how close I get... I can't change life circumstances... even if I wish things were different... all I can do is cause more of a conflict.. and that's wrong of me to even think in those terms... I recently had my eyes opened up to this fact... People tend to do things that bring more grief and hardship upon themselves... maybe it's because we are a glutton for punishment. All I know is that if I really am a friend... I stick to my boxes... to my zones... and that's the best policy for everyone. 

I don't want every post I make to be about relationships... or my past... but it tends to be a repeating cycle... that I let myself open up... and then it becomes an issue in some way... It's much better for all if I keep that inner circle closed... no one has breeched that final layer in quite awhile... even though people tend to try to get close to it.. I am a person of many layers... and the few deepest layers are very protected... I think anyone who chooses to get that close will see lots of scar tissue. I never mean to hurt anyone...especially those who choose to be friends... but all I see is an eventual crash by opening the door to more than friendship... and for the most part... I'm not the one to cause the crash... I suppose I always have a hand in it based on my reactions... but it is always an outside force... or the other person to instigate an action that prompts my reaction. Most of the time it is a realistic event that acts as a catalyst for the whole interaction.  I have lost a few friends over this... but the facts still remain that things are the way they are... and I can't make changes in the lives of other people. If I have to take the blame for being an ass... so be it.