Because I Am
So.. it looks like my Vegas trip is a solid plan now... gonna be gone for a whole week.. well.. Monday and Friday are travel days. I'm kinda guessing the center is going to be calling a lot for me to fix stuff in the evenings... but it's okay.. There's also talk of my first two fire duties... they're talking about maybe deploying to the Buckstock Mountains fire.. but there's a one in Uinta Forest.. so it should be one of those... then the second one will be Plumas or Siskiyou.. Since I will be occupied until mid-August, we will have to re-evaluate things when I come back. I'll have to call dispatch and let them know my dates of availability. Who knows exactly what's going on... but that's what's on plan for the next two deployments for the center... things change at a moment's notice as fires change too. There's also talk about my getting sent to Golden CO for GIS training at the national office. Everything is very fluid and nothing is solid about that part of it. That's why I'm relieved to find out the Vegas trip is on.
Dad is still here.. and I'm hoping he goes home soon… like.. very soon. I'm getting annoyed now as he's been here 3 weeks... I've started ignoring him. I got a text today from someone I haven't heard from in awhile... and it was just nice to hear from her. I am glad she's settled a bit.. and even got re-married. It's good that nice things happen at times.
I rarely see my housemate.. since I work so much.. and she spends time with her family.. and her guy... but that's okay.. I think if she can figure out the rollercoaster with her guy, maybe things will get better for her too. I think that most people look for someone to fill some spot that's missing in their lives.... but I've discovered that other people can't do that. You have to be okay with who you are... without someone else.. before you can even think of being happy with someone. I'm actually going out on occasion with someone ...have been for the over 3 months... but I don't know if it's viable. She works 7p - 7a ….and is off usually during the week.. I'm exact opposite... off on weekends... so we've only just seen each other 5 times in almost 4 months. The fact that she lives over an hour from me... doesn't help matters any... but it's someone to spend a bit of time with on brief occasions... I've gone into it without trying to "friend zone" her like I do everyone else... but for some reason.. I just wait for her to say it's over.. even at this point.. it's expected at any time.. I don't hold much hope for anything to last.. at least not after my track record.. and I'm pretty sure it's me.. or because of me that it keeps happening. I think I'm over communicative.. and no one expects that. It's like if I want to say something.. or it's on my mind.. it comes out my mouth.. and that freaks people out. That's okay though.. I won't change that part of who I am.. and if it means I will have to just be happy with myself... I can do that too... because I am.
Dad is still here.. and I'm hoping he goes home soon… like.. very soon. I'm getting annoyed now as he's been here 3 weeks... I've started ignoring him. I got a text today from someone I haven't heard from in awhile... and it was just nice to hear from her. I am glad she's settled a bit.. and even got re-married. It's good that nice things happen at times.
I rarely see my housemate.. since I work so much.. and she spends time with her family.. and her guy... but that's okay.. I think if she can figure out the rollercoaster with her guy, maybe things will get better for her too. I think that most people look for someone to fill some spot that's missing in their lives.... but I've discovered that other people can't do that. You have to be okay with who you are... without someone else.. before you can even think of being happy with someone. I'm actually going out on occasion with someone ...have been for the over 3 months... but I don't know if it's viable. She works 7p - 7a ….and is off usually during the week.. I'm exact opposite... off on weekends... so we've only just seen each other 5 times in almost 4 months. The fact that she lives over an hour from me... doesn't help matters any... but it's someone to spend a bit of time with on brief occasions... I've gone into it without trying to "friend zone" her like I do everyone else... but for some reason.. I just wait for her to say it's over.. even at this point.. it's expected at any time.. I don't hold much hope for anything to last.. at least not after my track record.. and I'm pretty sure it's me.. or because of me that it keeps happening. I think I'm over communicative.. and no one expects that. It's like if I want to say something.. or it's on my mind.. it comes out my mouth.. and that freaks people out. That's okay though.. I won't change that part of who I am.. and if it means I will have to just be happy with myself... I can do that too... because I am.
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