Of Them, I'm Thankful.

I've pulled away from a lot of the online drama that I had been exposed to at one time.... even if I don't actively participate, it still would affect me and sometimes involve me.  I keep saying that I don't care what other people think.. but there are some people I do concern myself with. I have given them a voice in my life and value their opinions. Of course there are those also that I have taken that voice away because I've come to understand that they will only bring negativity into my life. I actually find that I welcome interaction from anyone who chooses to be a positive part of my life. Unfortunately, no one knows how others are going to influence another person's life until it just starts happening.  I am not seeking anything "earthshattering" in my life... as I like to let things unfold slowly. I'm not talking about specifics... but in general all the influences I have and that I give merit to are things or people who have been in my life for awhile and have earned that position. I even have people I work with that I trust to a great degree... I recently became involved in a "union" activity that I feel has become a negative influence on my life.  I strongly believe in the fair and equal treatment of others.. that's why I work diligently to put aside things of the past.. and make an active effort to treat all people in a non-judgmental fashion. I'm a union steward for my organization and against my better judgement, I let myself be talked into behavior that would skip the chain of command and sort of blindsided management. I firmly believe that conflict should be solved at the lowest level possible involving as few people as necessary... but now this conflict at work has cascaded into a mountain of issues and blame.. and is becoming convoluted beyond simple issues.  In the process, I've lost trust of one of the managers on the center because she's afraid I'll take any issue and hold it against her.. and run to senior organizational management. She has a perfect right to feel that way, but I'm not the chief decision maker in the actions that have been made.  Unfortunately, I've been given the face to blame as I'm the representative.  Hopefully this all blows over soon and things will revert to a normal interaction with all involved.

This got me to thinking about a lot of things and a lot of people.  I interact with anyone that is willing to put themselves into my life... but I want to make certain I don't give the wrong impressions.  Unfortunately, I've always believed that people have a motive for most of their actions... and that most are trying to pull some sort of con... of use me to their advantage.  I'm trying to get better at putting those feelings aside. I appreciate when someone takes time to interact with me.. I might not always say that, but it means that I've given a person enough positive influence that they feel they can reach out and communicate with me... offering even just a small degree of trust. We rarely contact anyone we feel we can't trust... unless it's just to alleviate a negative interaction they've started... I know at times, I've been singled out as trying to be invasive.. maybe because of past interaction... maybe because something I've said is misconstrued.… but I honestly don't try to push myself into anyone's life.  I have tried to develop a personality that is playful, fun, and inviting.. without trying to be off-putting.. but I've also been unsuccessful at breaking the ice with certain people due to preconceived notions about who I am.  That's why I stopped awhile back at trying to pull anyone into my life. I try to let others know that I care if they have touched my heart in any way... and that I am always open to friendship.. but even still.. others sometimes think that's a con on my part to try to push for more.  So.. I've said I can only be me.. and if people want to think that... maybe it's best they aren't a part of my life.  I live according to how I want to be treated.. and those that choose to be a part of my life... of them, I'm thankful.