Under my Hat

Another day of retail therapy... I enjoy shopping. But it's also nice to just get out of the house for a bit. I spent some time just driving... looking at the landscape along the way. I think many of us forget to enjoy the journey as we travel... It's the same with life... we keep looking for a destination that may never happen... either with someone... or maybe a long-term goal we've set for ourselves. In either case, we stay so focused on where we are going.. we don't see where we are currently at in our lives. I enjoy the people I have been in contact with... even if that number isn't very many. The people in my life are those that choose to be, and to me, that means more than someone who feels they have to be a part of my life out of obligation. My tendency to listen has brought a few people into my life, and they've become decent friends. That's really all I'm currently looking for... something with no pressure. Friendship seems to be somewhat ebbin...

I didn't realize how boring this time off was going to be... I am now on my 10th day off and I'm looking forward a bit to going back to work. Part of me wants to be completely lazy, and part of me wants to find something productive to do. The problem is... the lazy brain has taken control. I do need to get the oil changed in my car... and I have a few projects to work on ... I think a part of me needs procrastination. Evidently there are a lot of parts of me... and they all want different things. That could be why there is conflict that arises inside of me on occasion. I'm pretty self-aware these days, and I see what's going on inside my head. I don't mind the conflict, as I have always been one for discussion. I haven't really seen a whole lot from many of my friends this season. I have reached out and said hi... and that's about all I got in return. I don't want to impose on anyone... and I'm pretty sure I have more free time currently than anyone ...

Well... I got my holiday shopping done... at least most of it... the stuff that counts... I wanted to go shopping with my daughters, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen... Even when I suggested a virtual shopping trip at Amazon, they weren't too enthused. It just doesn't seem like a holiday season this year, but I refuse to let it get me down. I'm a man of faith in God... I don't think I say that often enough... but I try to live as a Christian... in doing that, I have to let a lot of stuff go. I know I always say to change what I can... and have faith that things will work out how they are supposed to... and I truly believe that. I'm not saying that things are going to work out how we want them to. I am certain that there is a plan in place... but we also have free will to try to muck up that plan... and most of the time we get in our own way and try to have things the way we see they should be. I'm humble enough to know that I don't kno...

This year is a bit messed up... as if you didn't know that already. I actually got to talk to my daughter for her birthday for a few minutes, but this is the first birthday I haven't been around. It's her 18th. I feel like a bad father for not spending more time with her... I made the suggestion that we could go online shopping together, but she didn't seem up for it at the moment. Her mom had just brought in a cake. I thought that blogging about it would make it a bit better, but it just drudges up more sadness... I haven't done a whole lot this weekend... and I still have 15 days before I have to go back to work. I plan on going out and getting a few gifts tomorrow ...and maybe the next day. I don't really know who I need to buy for... I know a few of my friends have bought me something. I remember the best gifts I ever made was years ago... I spent several days canning... and also made apple butter and applesauce... put ribbons and cloth material on mason ja...

I told someone just a few minutes ago, that I celebrate my "differentness." I actually am quite proud of the fact that I don't become someone that people expect me to be... just for their benefit. I'm pretty sure there are those that think I'm trying to be obnoxious... or maybe just irritating, but in reality I just refuse to surrender control of who I am. That person is someone I've taken a long time to become... and it's someone I can be proud of. I will reiterate that I do make my share of mistakes... and I'm not perfect. But I'm perfect for me. I don't feel as though I need to explain my thoughts or actions, but I'm okay with doing so if someone asks. I like the interaction in my life... what little of it there is presently. If being more social means that I have to become someone else... I choose to remain anti-social. I've had many people who have entered and left my life at various times... I suppose you can say I entered and lef...

Lots of snow here... it's also my last day of work this year... luckily I got permission to telework it... I do actually plan on getting some work done. I found some old hard drives and put them into a drive reader yesterday... and I ran into a lot of old file... pictures I don't even remember... movie files... and now my song collection is vast. I put them all on a 12 TB drive I bought on Prime day. When I bought it, it was on a whim. I have a tendency to do that... If something is a great deal... and I think I might need it... at least before an expiration date, I stash it somewhere for future use. I do that with food too... but then I'll pull out a can I forgot I had and it expired like a year ago. I'm trying to work on improving my usage on stuff like that. Maybe I have a disease or something. I tend to be a bit of a hoarder... but then I watch the shows on TLC and realize I have nowhere near the problem they have. I keep buying more and more stuff, and rarely do I ...

I have the song "White Christmas" stuck in my head... I really don't know why... I guess it's because I saw the post on Facebook last week where the Navy band did it. I'm a sucker for the classics. I even like to curl up on the couch and watch an old black and white movie on occasion that I have no idea about. Even though I don't consider myself a "couch potato" ...I have spent enough time there to have watched most movies and Netflix shows in existance... well... those that seem to appeal to me. I like to try new things. I understand being comfortable in the ways that are more familiar, but it's nice to explore more of what life has to offer. I've always tried to be open-minded in this respect. I scoff at people who look at something and say, that doesn't look appealing, I'm not going to try it... especially in the avenue of food experiences. I've gotten my friends to try much more than they would ever consider. Now, even I have ...

Woot!! another long weekend. I just decided to take tomorrow off on the spur of the moment.... I got lots of stuff done today... worked hard, and now I'm reaping the benefits of it. I will admit, it would be much nicer to go out and do something with someone, and I'd like to take a drive in the mountains this weekend and just get away, but I'm not even sure that's gonna happen. I'm a little lacking of motivation at the moment... again. It's not a bad thing. I don't feel sad... or depressed... just indifferent about making a concerted effort to do anything productive. It would be nice to just travel for the two weeks I have coming up... but with the way things are... that doesn't even sound appealing. I'm much more satisfied with how my life is drifting at the moment... and if something comes along to motivate me, then I'll head in that direction. At the moment, I just appreciate all the things life is offering me without having to push myself to ...

Ugghh... Monday morning... it was not really a spectacular weekend, but it was a nice break. Now I have to get back to work. I need to get all kinds of stuff accomplished in the next 10 days. Then I'm off for 2 weeks. I had planned on going back to Kentucky, but that doesn't seem to be able to work out now. I feel like Christmas this year is sneaking up on me and even though I've had plenty of time, I haven't been out to do much. I'm even more concerned that I won't have much free time from now until the holiday to plan or prepare if I, by some miracle, actually end up going on my trip. I can sense it's starting to affect my disposition just a little bit... I'm going to try to take my own advice... I'll do what I can... make the changes I can... and try not to worry about the rest of it. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be that simple, but at least I'll make the effort. I know that attitude is quite a bit different than it was a few yea...

Another weekend comes... and is almost over. That's okay.. there will be more. Many times people are in a hurry to get to the next day... then the next ... and so forth. Most of our life is spent hoping that things will improve. It's like everyone is waiting on something to happen. I've heard several people say... things will change for the better... and I'm a firm believer that they will not change of their own accord... Things only go in the direction you put them into motion, and if you choose not to take an active role in your life, then you can't blame anyone when you get stuck in that rut... I've recently said that there are always repercussions to our actions... and that goes for the good stuff as well as the bad. If someone is living their life the same way they always have, not making any effort, then their life won't get better. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I'm...

I had planned to sit here and spout out all kinds of pearls of wisdom from my mind... lay my soul out there for everyone to see... and then I realized that it doesn't matter if anyone sees this. I feel like this blog "therapy" is just a was to express myself and how I feel. That's mostly what it has been all along. For those that happen across these posts, you're more than welcome to peruse the archive of my collection of ramblings... but that doesn't really matter either. I come here to state what I feel or believe. That's it. After all, the title of this blog is "Under My Hat" ...it's my hat... my mind... my thoughts... Does that make me always right? ...of course it does. :D ...but only here in my head. I've had stated time and time again that I've made more than my share of mistakes, and that I'll keep on making them. That's okay. If we can't deal with, and accept, our shortcomings... we won't be able to be happy ...

...another week. I stayed up wayyyyyyy too late last night playing World of Warcraft. I think it's starting to become too much of a negative influence in my life, so I need to cut back a bit. I do enjoy it, but I was close to getting my first character to max level again, so I pushed myself to finish... instead of waiting until today to do it. It wasn't going to kill me to wait, but for some reason, I lost control of my sanity and was up until nearly 1, knowing that I had to be up for work today. Luckily it's a telework day, so my shower will wait until I take my first break. I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt... not exactly the proper uniform, but I never wear one on my telework days anyway. I think maybe I'm starting to get a bit lacksidasical in my life. I usually try to hold myself to a higher standard, but for some reason, my motivation factor seems to be off. I know it's just a temporary thing. I shouldn't have any problem picking myself up and resuming m...

So... it finally happened... at least for now. My overtime is no more. We'll see how long that lasts. They have someone in each of my 4 positions I've been covering, even though they are temporary contract people. They think I'll continue covering those positions as support along with my current position... well... I don't think it'll work out quite like that. I've had them do this before, then in less than 2 weeks, they'll ask me if I could stay over and do this... or do that.. and before you know it... I'm back on overtime again. I am not sure I'll be getting to go home for the holidays this year. Stupid virus! Right now the transmission rate is at its worst and my daughters are more concerned than ever. My ex disinfects everything she brings into the house... even the food. I have to hand it to her, she was pretty anal retentive when it comes to germs. I suppose some people are just like that. I know I'm a stubborn person too, I just try to r...