It's The Best Way To Be

This year is a bit messed up... as if you didn't know that already. I actually got to talk to my daughter for her birthday for a few minutes, but this is the first birthday I haven't been around. It's her 18th. I feel like a bad father for not spending more time with her... I made the suggestion that we could go online shopping together, but she didn't seem up for it at the moment. Her mom had just brought in a cake. I thought that blogging about it would make it a bit better, but it just drudges up more sadness... I haven't done a whole lot this weekend... and I still have 15 days before I have to go back to work. I plan on going out and getting a few gifts tomorrow ...and maybe the next day. I don't really know who I need to buy for... I know a few of my friends have bought me something. I remember the best gifts I ever made was years ago... I spent several days canning... and also made apple butter and applesauce... put ribbons and cloth material on mason jars... it was sorta cheap, but it was a huge time investment. I think it's difficult to put a value on time. I would rather people take the time to spend either with me... or on me... I'm not needing an expensive present from anyone this year. Most of the time, I don't exchange gifts with anyone. I prefer to be a bit of a hermit during this time of year. I guess I've got the Scrooge complex... well.. not really, I like doing for others, and I love making a difference in people's lives.. that's why I try to be a good friend when I can ...I spend time listening to people, even if it's a story I've heard 8 or 10 times before. I think when we get older, we tend to repeat the same stories... over and over.. not really meaning to, we just forget what we've told to whom. I can see some of that when I blog... I don't remember a whole lot of what I blogged even last week... that doesn't mean it was the truth... or what I was feeling... I'm sure when I go back and read it again.. I'll get more thought processes involved in the matter and other things will come to mind. Then I'll have to elaborate in another blog later on. I need to balance myself a bit... I don't need to become overinvolved in any one activity. I know I tend to do that. I start something.... sometimes invest money into it... like a hobby... I almost bought a kayak this year... I almost bought a bicycle a couple of years ago... a motorcycle 4 years ago... I've bought tents... I have a knife collection... bought a few guns... I know I have to be the hardest person to buy a gift for... because usually if I want something... I end up going ahead and buying it... whether I really need it or not. I'm sort of a shopaholic. I do a lot of retail therapy. I vaguely remember mentioning that in one of my previous blogs, but it's the truth. I don't feel like I overspend... I always try to leave myself with enough money to live comfortably... I do have a problem with saving a lot of money. I put a few thousand here.. and a few thousand there... but I could have paid a lot of my house off if I had been more frugal. But then, I'd not had as much fun living. We tend to worry too much about how we are going to live rather than actually living life as it occurs.. I don't like being one of those people that try to overthink what I've done... and what's led me to where I am now... I am here... If I am smart, I'll just make the best of it and deal with the daily issues. It's the best way to be.