Crazy Is Refreshing

Woot!! another long weekend. I just decided to take tomorrow off on the spur of the moment.... I got lots of stuff done today... worked hard, and now I'm reaping the benefits of it. I will admit, it would be much nicer to go out and do something with someone, and I'd like to take a drive in the mountains this weekend and just get away, but I'm not even sure that's gonna happen. I'm a little lacking of motivation at the moment... again. It's not a bad thing. I don't feel sad... or depressed... just indifferent about making a concerted effort to do anything productive. It would be nice to just travel for the two weeks I have coming up... but with the way things are... that doesn't even sound appealing. I'm much more satisfied with how my life is drifting at the moment... and if something comes along to motivate me, then I'll head in that direction. At the moment, I just appreciate all the things life is offering me without having to push myself to get things done. It wasn't always like this. I just made a comment on the site about how I had to make the most difficult decision in my life when I divorced... For years, I chose to be passive about it.. and hope that something would happen that would instigate the divorce.. but after years of stagnation... I realized that I had to make that effort... or just learn to be happy with my marriage. My ex wasn't a bad person... living with her was just like... existing.. not actually living. I could only do that for so many years. I was rarely happy. I tried to hide my feelings, but my kids knew it... that something was wrong. I took a leap of faith in trying to make what change I could and that all would be okay. It was scary... and unnerving.. even as a divorced person, it took me a little while to realize that I had a newfound freedom. I was so used to holding myself back in what I could do. For awhile I was almost certain I made a mistake... and there were some difficult times to get through... but I got away from where I had been ...and I put myself in an environment that was conducive to helping me to take a more active role in my life, instead of just existing... now I can live my life and do most anything I feel like doing. I have dated a few people... both before I was divorced.. and after my divorce. I think that people have a tendency to be a bit intolerant of a lot of things... but that's their right. Everyone should come up with a list of what they want and don't want... Evidently I embodied several things that most people don't want. That's okay... I have enough tolerance for two people... not that I will let myself be overrun and controlled... but I've learned that so many things in this life aren't as important as we give them credit for being. I invite a bit of turmoil... The people I've been most attracted to are those people who are maybe a bit high strung and possibly a bit mental. I can appreciate the passion. I have a way of calming people like that down... unless they get pissed off that I'm not upset like they are... then it's a little tricky to deal with... but I love a good challenge. I think as long as people realize you are not trying to control them... they become more tolerant.. at least to a point. But maybe that's why most of my relationships ended... I personally think it's a lack of communication. I remember someone telling me that they couldn't understand why I'd put up with the amount of high-stress behavior they exhibited... even though I never tire when dealing with people who are emotional, I couldn't convince her of that. I'm pretty sure that's a case where opposites attract. I am pretty calm and collected most of the time. The bat-shit crazy is definely an appeal... I really don't know why. Maybe it IS the challenge... I'm more inclined to believe a person is being honest with me if they are highly emotional and spouting off things they think I might not want to hear. The honest truth, I welcome this type of interaction. Crazy is refreshing.