I'll Keep Myself Open

Another day of retail therapy... I enjoy shopping. But it's also nice to just get out of the house for a bit. I spent some time just driving... looking at the landscape along the way. I think many of us forget to enjoy the journey as we travel... It's the same with life... we keep looking for a destination that may never happen... either with someone... or maybe a long-term goal we've set for ourselves. In either case, we stay so focused on where we are going.. we don't see where we are currently at in our lives. I enjoy the people I have been in contact with... even if that number isn't very many. The people in my life are those that choose to be, and to me, that means more than someone who feels they have to be a part of my life out of obligation. My tendency to listen has brought a few people into my life, and they've become decent friends. That's really all I'm currently looking for... something with no pressure. Friendship seems to be somewhat ebbing and waning as the years roll on for some people. I get a bit sad when I don't hear from someone in awhile... and maybe I try to reach out and still get nothing... but I don't hold any ill feelings toward anyone. We are all on different journeys. Sometimes our paths will coincide for awhile... even for years... but then there are times they will diverge. Most of the time it's just circumstances beyond our control. I have said many times that we should change things we can... but the things we can't... let them be. There's no use in jousting windmills. That's why I try to be open to those people I meet who I feel can bring positivity to my life... and I hope that I can do the same to others. I appreciate people who are authentic. I'm even happy to add a bit of crazy to my world... as it makes things more interesting. I try not to judge... well no more than the next person. We all tend to make judgements... that being said, I try not to let those judgements sway my opinion of anyone until they've had a chance to prove who they are. Not that they owe me anyone. No one does. It's my perogative to continue to allow people to be a part of my life, just as it is a decision each person has to make about me. If I am ever a drain on someone... more than an asset, I would hope that person would give me the boot... or at least make me aware of it. There are few people I've ever kicked out of my life, and even then, they were always welcome back into it... maybe not in the same capacity as they were once before. I close doors sometimes, but they are never locked. It takes an effort on the part of people to enter. I'm sure that is the same principle that people apply to my being a part of their lives. I reach out a time or two... and if that door doesn't open... I consider it locked. I don't ever remember anyone who contacted me not getting a friendly response... at least not while in the aftermath of some event that caused some type of emotional trama on my end. Wounds heal though... and even if there are scars, they are only a reminder... not a rule of dictation on how I should live my life. I am thankful for each day as it comes... and I'm thankful for how things are. I'll keep myself open.