I Plan On Living It.

...another week. I stayed up wayyyyyyy too late last night playing World of Warcraft. I think it's starting to become too much of a negative influence in my life, so I need to cut back a bit. I do enjoy it, but I was close to getting my first character to max level again, so I pushed myself to finish... instead of waiting until today to do it. It wasn't going to kill me to wait, but for some reason, I lost control of my sanity and was up until nearly 1, knowing that I had to be up for work today. Luckily it's a telework day, so my shower will wait until I take my first break. I'm in sweatpants and a t-shirt... not exactly the proper uniform, but I never wear one on my telework days anyway. I think maybe I'm starting to get a bit lacksidasical in my life. I usually try to hold myself to a higher standard, but for some reason, my motivation factor seems to be off. I know it's just a temporary thing. I shouldn't have any problem picking myself up and resuming my "go get 'em" attitude once I get a bit more sleep. I also, for some reason am spending more time on the site these days... well.. I still have that under control. It doesn't interfere with life activities. That's my measurement of whether something is getting out of hand and needs to be adjusted. I have several things I need to accomplish for work, but since they cut my overtime, I am still falling a bit farther behind. They are asking for more than my regular work, so I'm not feeling that I am underperforming. I actually made a post on the site about my blog... so a few of my visitors might those of you who have followed the link I posted. Of course, I have my regular visitors too. It's amazing that people come back and read my senseless rambling once they've been here a few times. I remember when my blog had a bit more substance. I remember when there was much more feeling... passion... humor. Now most of what I write is just like a conversation. I suppose that's the main reason I'm doing this anyway. I use it as a journal to clear my mind. I seriously enjoy doing that. I remember back in 7th grade we had to write 200 words each day for English class in a journal. There were no rules about what we could write about, as long as it was at least 200 words. For some reason, a group of us found out we could write as small as we wanted to and get more than 1 line of writing between the lines on the paper. We ended up writing so small that we got all 200 words on one ruled line. Then the old fart couldn't read it, so we had to stop. I think she was tolerant for a few days before she actually said something. I believe sometimes people push the rules just so they can assert some control in their life. In 7th grade, we had almost no control of our lives. I understand that age. I remember thinking how much greater things would be once I could make all decisions for myself. In retrospect, I didn't realize how much lack of control most adults have. I don't know that 'control' is the right word. We all have choices... and there are always consequences of those choices. I think as an adult we have a better picture of the long-term affect of those choices. It's called experience. We make mistakes; we learn (hopefully); and we move on with our lives. There are many examples of people who have a problem with that second step. Some even have issues with that third step. It is a good thing to revisit the past in order to analyse or even reminise about what was. Letting the past influence our current decisions is a healthy behavior, but letting our past control us is a harmful venture. It's like any other activity in our lives... my game... visiting the site... once you lose that control and make actions that you wouldn't normally make, you are in danger of losing that bit of you that make you unique. I don't let people control my life, just as I try not to let things control it either. I continue to take things as they come and try to learn as I go. Life continues to be a wonderful journey for me and I plan on living it.