The Way Some People Are.

Another lazy day.. I've been active in my game most of the day.. but for those who don't play, it's probably another day wasted. I don't care.. I like playing.. it keeps my mind occupied and gives me something to do that I don't have to worry about.  I don't have to interact with people anymore.. at least not more than usual. I still chat with a friend or two.. and still watch some occasional online tv.. I've been thinking about getting a 42" monitor/tv for my room. It's not something I really need.. but just something I want.. I will toy around with the idea for a bit longer before making a decision. I have a habit of jumping into decisions without first thinking about them. All actions have repercussions. Sometimes we just can't see those before they happen.

I woke up early.. took a bath.. and made my bed this morning.. so it wasn't an entire lazy day.. but close to it.. I think that maybe I will try to get into the habit of doing just a bit more each day.. until I reach a point where I don't feel like doing that. I don't really make the effort to do a whole lot anymore.. and it's not because I feel lazy.. it's just because I don't care quite as much as I used to.. I think that maybe I measured my self-worth by what people thought of me.. and now I don't. I have an idea of what I need to do.. and I do it.  I don't care if people interact with me or not.. I used to spend much of my time.. thinking about getting out and doing things... when I was free.. now... I just want to be alone much of the time.  It's not a bad thing.. and no.. I'm not depressed.. I just am getting used to being by myself. I am not the complete social outcast.. and still chat a bit with a few.. but I don't need it.. it's not like I plan on anything, anymore.. I just enjoy each day and deal with things as they arise. I have quite a bit of self-respect.. and I like how I am and what I do.  I dislike people who try to control me.. but it seems like most people try to control someone.. and almost everyone seems to have an agenda.. well.. I won't ever be a part of anyone's agenda... and I know I won't change that attitude. People have the ability to adapt their behavior to get what they want..  Some people are so good at it.. that no one really knows they're being manipulated.. and no matter how strong of character you think you are.. there's always someone out there that can manipulate you without you knowing it.. that's why I don't let people beyond a certain point anymore.. most people have all the time in the world. and can work on other people while they are trying to break you down.. and you never know who they have been working on... for how long.. that will tide them over until they get through with them.... and then use you all up.  It's just the way some people are.

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