They Can Go Along Their Merry Way.
I sorta feel like I'm overwhelmed with work.. home.. just all the things in my life not being the way I want them to be... but in the same breath... I'm not in any circumstance that can't change soon.. in fact I look for my circumstances to change quite a bit in the next few months. I am mainly hinging this on the fact that I see the end of my employment at the center where I work taking place shortly.. and it is through no power of my own... In fact, I am working harder than ever to try to keep things going.. so that no one can look at me and say.. it's people like you that shut us down. I feel badly for those people who will lose their jobs and won't be able to move... but it's my outlook that so many people there could have done so much more. It's difficult for someone to teach a "work ethic" when they themselves don't have a very strong one. ...and the absenteeism now is rampant... I would hate to see what it will be like if and when they actually do announce a center closure.
I try to be friends to those people that appreciate it.. but in order to be friends.. you have to accept me for who I am.. and keep the lies to a bare minimum.. I understand that people will lie even to themselves.. but if something is true.. and you are called out on it.. own up to it. I think that most people struggle their way along.. and don't truly have a clue on what it is they are seeking... so they wind up with all kinds of crap. Everything in life must have a plan.. or a person is doomed to all kinds of haphazard bullshit that will invade their bubble and put them through trials and tribulations. My plan is simple... accept my friends for who they are... but always maintain a personal bubble for just me. No one gets into it. I am better off this way.. that way if my life happens to turn to shit.. I have no one to blame but me. I have learned to be self sufficient in my social interaction... well.. I know.. that's not very social.. but I am good with that.. I tend to overthink my importance in some people's lives because they become as important in mine... and that was my mistake. We should never allow someone to be so critical in our life as to be dependent to have them in it. I think that's where I made my mistake... The past is finally something that is blending into just that ...the past. I have forgotten a lot of the details.... which tells me that is wasn't all that I made it out to be. I think everyone may exaggerate their involvements with people so that they can play the martyr... and to an extent... I did the same thing. I did learn a valuable lesson.. and perhaps I've been taught to not believe everything that is told to me with reckless abandon. I don't hold anything against anyone in my past.. they were just doing what they wanted to do.. and it wasn't like I wasn't expendable.. we all have people in our lives we use.. whether it is for self-esteem issues... to give us worth... or just for support through certain times.. it's the honesty factor that helps us to determine who is friends.. and who is not. Sure.. everyone will make a few mistakes along the way... but anyone who perpetuates a lie.. is someone I cannot trust... and someone I cannot remain friends with. I choose to be open about all that anyone wants to know.. and when it comes down to it.. I can't be trusted with secrets.. I understand that.. at least not secrets that involve my friends... so don't tell them to me. I don't like keeping things from people. It's just the way I am.
I did something yesterday that I said I'd never do.. I logged into one of the old sites... it was only for about 45 seconds.. and I did it to prove I was right... and of course, I was... lol. But that is beside the point. I logged in.. was there.. and had no desire to look at any posts or contact anyone... I guess it's because no one there felt the need to contact me in the last 7 months. No.. I'm not bitter about it.. I just realize where I stand with most people... and I feel justified in not going back. But I choose my path now... and who I let into my life. I will give anyone a chance to be friends.. but they have to understand my cynicism... if they don't.. they can go along their merry way.
I try to be friends to those people that appreciate it.. but in order to be friends.. you have to accept me for who I am.. and keep the lies to a bare minimum.. I understand that people will lie even to themselves.. but if something is true.. and you are called out on it.. own up to it. I think that most people struggle their way along.. and don't truly have a clue on what it is they are seeking... so they wind up with all kinds of crap. Everything in life must have a plan.. or a person is doomed to all kinds of haphazard bullshit that will invade their bubble and put them through trials and tribulations. My plan is simple... accept my friends for who they are... but always maintain a personal bubble for just me. No one gets into it. I am better off this way.. that way if my life happens to turn to shit.. I have no one to blame but me. I have learned to be self sufficient in my social interaction... well.. I know.. that's not very social.. but I am good with that.. I tend to overthink my importance in some people's lives because they become as important in mine... and that was my mistake. We should never allow someone to be so critical in our life as to be dependent to have them in it. I think that's where I made my mistake... The past is finally something that is blending into just that ...the past. I have forgotten a lot of the details.... which tells me that is wasn't all that I made it out to be. I think everyone may exaggerate their involvements with people so that they can play the martyr... and to an extent... I did the same thing. I did learn a valuable lesson.. and perhaps I've been taught to not believe everything that is told to me with reckless abandon. I don't hold anything against anyone in my past.. they were just doing what they wanted to do.. and it wasn't like I wasn't expendable.. we all have people in our lives we use.. whether it is for self-esteem issues... to give us worth... or just for support through certain times.. it's the honesty factor that helps us to determine who is friends.. and who is not. Sure.. everyone will make a few mistakes along the way... but anyone who perpetuates a lie.. is someone I cannot trust... and someone I cannot remain friends with. I choose to be open about all that anyone wants to know.. and when it comes down to it.. I can't be trusted with secrets.. I understand that.. at least not secrets that involve my friends... so don't tell them to me. I don't like keeping things from people. It's just the way I am.
I did something yesterday that I said I'd never do.. I logged into one of the old sites... it was only for about 45 seconds.. and I did it to prove I was right... and of course, I was... lol. But that is beside the point. I logged in.. was there.. and had no desire to look at any posts or contact anyone... I guess it's because no one there felt the need to contact me in the last 7 months. No.. I'm not bitter about it.. I just realize where I stand with most people... and I feel justified in not going back. But I choose my path now... and who I let into my life. I will give anyone a chance to be friends.. but they have to understand my cynicism... if they don't.. they can go along their merry way.
Hugs!
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