I Am Being Realistic
It's been a bit..
I have been stuck for a week in my hometown at my dad's.. he doesn't have internet, and my phone doesn't get good enough signal there to tether. It HAS been a good week for the reason I got to see my daughters quite a bit. My ex's house had a tree fall on it. Luckily it didn't do much damage... I got a friend to clear it for only $500... which was less than 1/4 the estimates. Unfortunately, my dad followed me back home, as usual... He will probably be here for a week or so... I'll need another vacation when he leaves.
I have spent a bit of time on the site, and where I enjoy getting out the pent up "smart assery" that I tend to emit, I am trying not to overdo it... I don't want to be addicted to anything, and it seems like I could be easily sucked in. I worry about some of my interaction... I don't want anyone to think I am actually flirting with any intentions... and I also am concerned because of my past about my interaction with a few. I don't want to treat them any different than anyone else... because I just want to leave the past where it is... but I sense an avoidance to me because of who I am. I completely understand that.. not only from those people but from the people who might be friends of them. Still, it's difficult to avoid those that seek to avoid me without it looking like I might be antagonistic. I think I'm putting too much thought into it, actually. I will continue to just post and be me... without being discriminatory.
I have the TV on in the background and they're talking about the London terror attacks... I wonder how bad shape our world is going to get in.. I worry about my kids.. and their kids.. and what they will have to endure. There are too many things out of my control and all I can do is what I can do.. I have been and will be continue to be there for my daughters if they need me... but I won't be my dad.. I won't try to lock them down trying to keep them from going anywhere and doing anything. You can't live your life if you consistently live in fear about what might happen. I can't get my dad to understand that.. and he's too old to change... so I go about just telling him one thing.. and doing whatever I want.
Back to work tomorrow.. I was going to be off until Tuesday, but since dad came back.. I cancelled my last day off so I could go back to work. I have a huge load of stuff to catch up on anyway... and I've already been contacted a couple of times and have to smooth over a few SNAFU actions that have occurred while I've been gone. I think it is just a matter of time before I end up having to cover two more positions in addition to my own... Luckily it will mean overtime.. I am only concerned that I might not have the strength to do all of it.. I suppose we shall see.
I really haven't gotten into dating... I currently go out with about 6 or 7 people, but I don't consider any of them a romantic interest, and I really don't see it going in that direction with anyone. It's not that I don't like them... I seem to be developing an idealism that dating in the romantic sucks.. and involvement only leads to heartache down the road... it's much easier to push people away than to open up that can of worms. At this age, all of us are damaged.. and I'm not in a position to take on any more issues besides my own. I haven't kissed anyone in many months... and I actually am getting to the point that I don't miss it... my expectations are significantly lower than they used to be... I don't see that as a bad thing... I am being realistic.
I have been stuck for a week in my hometown at my dad's.. he doesn't have internet, and my phone doesn't get good enough signal there to tether. It HAS been a good week for the reason I got to see my daughters quite a bit. My ex's house had a tree fall on it. Luckily it didn't do much damage... I got a friend to clear it for only $500... which was less than 1/4 the estimates. Unfortunately, my dad followed me back home, as usual... He will probably be here for a week or so... I'll need another vacation when he leaves.
I have spent a bit of time on the site, and where I enjoy getting out the pent up "smart assery" that I tend to emit, I am trying not to overdo it... I don't want to be addicted to anything, and it seems like I could be easily sucked in. I worry about some of my interaction... I don't want anyone to think I am actually flirting with any intentions... and I also am concerned because of my past about my interaction with a few. I don't want to treat them any different than anyone else... because I just want to leave the past where it is... but I sense an avoidance to me because of who I am. I completely understand that.. not only from those people but from the people who might be friends of them. Still, it's difficult to avoid those that seek to avoid me without it looking like I might be antagonistic. I think I'm putting too much thought into it, actually. I will continue to just post and be me... without being discriminatory.
I have the TV on in the background and they're talking about the London terror attacks... I wonder how bad shape our world is going to get in.. I worry about my kids.. and their kids.. and what they will have to endure. There are too many things out of my control and all I can do is what I can do.. I have been and will be continue to be there for my daughters if they need me... but I won't be my dad.. I won't try to lock them down trying to keep them from going anywhere and doing anything. You can't live your life if you consistently live in fear about what might happen. I can't get my dad to understand that.. and he's too old to change... so I go about just telling him one thing.. and doing whatever I want.
Back to work tomorrow.. I was going to be off until Tuesday, but since dad came back.. I cancelled my last day off so I could go back to work. I have a huge load of stuff to catch up on anyway... and I've already been contacted a couple of times and have to smooth over a few SNAFU actions that have occurred while I've been gone. I think it is just a matter of time before I end up having to cover two more positions in addition to my own... Luckily it will mean overtime.. I am only concerned that I might not have the strength to do all of it.. I suppose we shall see.
I really haven't gotten into dating... I currently go out with about 6 or 7 people, but I don't consider any of them a romantic interest, and I really don't see it going in that direction with anyone. It's not that I don't like them... I seem to be developing an idealism that dating in the romantic sucks.. and involvement only leads to heartache down the road... it's much easier to push people away than to open up that can of worms. At this age, all of us are damaged.. and I'm not in a position to take on any more issues besides my own. I haven't kissed anyone in many months... and I actually am getting to the point that I don't miss it... my expectations are significantly lower than they used to be... I don't see that as a bad thing... I am being realistic.
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