I Won't Do That.

Okay... so I had a great time last night... fun... listen to some good.. and awful karaoke.. got a bit tipsy.. and hung out with two wonderful friends... it was awesome.. I think I needed that more than I knew. I know that life has a way of healing if we just hang loose and let things be for the most part.  It's when we buck against fate that we run into issues.  I realize that I don't have to have romantic involvements to have fun.  I think that it does take someone else to interact with.. to spark that best part of who I am.  I can kid myself all I want and say I can be okay alone.. and yes.. I can exist.. just like anyone else... but I think that interaction is the catalyst that brings to the forefront the best part of who we are... otherwise we just sit and stagnate. Sure... the physical stuff would be nice.. at least on occasion... but emotionally, I feel that without that release of comradery, we spend too much time in our own heads. We can talk ourselves into a lot of things... but the fact remains that we can't get a valid response from ourselves as we tend to be one dimensional when we engage only ourselves. I don't know if we lose something over time.. or not... but I like who I am.. I think it's one of the reasons I went back online to a couple of the sites.. so I could get that sense of belonging to something bigger than myself... I still feel like there may be a few people that are uneasy with me being there.... but I've been able to put that out of my mind on occasion and just treat them like everyone else... because when it comes down to it... we're all people.. the moment when we start repressing someone just because of past experiences.... well.. we're drawing ourselves back into our past... I've beat that dead horse before... and it won't change anything... I do interact with several people there... but I'm a bit cautious that I don't intrude into the dynamics that seem to occur behind the scenes... in other words, I don't try to force myself into a building relationship..  It gets difficult at times, because there are so many people that change names... statuses.. and are so secretive about what they do.   I try not to be that way.. simply for the fact that it's confusing to try to live an identity that you aren't.. and most of all.. I dislike liars.. I understand the need for privacy... and that's all well and good, but too many times drama is started over bullshit that you really have no clue had been building in the first place.  I try to keep my interaction on a fun... flirty level..  People still go getting all serious about how things are... and I learned long ago.. that most might say they consider the interaction and relationship dynamics of the site to be genuine... to be real.. but in actuality.. they really don't.  I am trying to keep that in my mind as I interact.. and try not to be overcome by the emotions that sometimes try to work their way to the surface... The important people in my life have worked their way offline and have become a very important part of who I am.. and. I will treat everyone online with as much respect as I can.. but as far as believing in something of substance.. I won't do that.