It Has Worked So Far.

I think it's that time of the month again... I feel somewhat sad for no reason... so I've been putting on my happy face and masquerading as someone with nothing wrong... but it seems like a lot is wrong with my life.  I can tell myself it isn't all I want.. but I would love things to be even just a bit different.  I can't put my finger on what's missing.  I need to grab myself by the balls and remember that I have some.. and then make some positive changes. I just get so tired of rejection... at times it seems like my daughters reject me... when my neighbor's daughters asked me to play last night... it was fun... but then late last night, I got sad... missing my little girls.. even though they aren't that little anymore... so then comes the mask... I use humor and sarcasm to put myself in a better mood... and I was able to do that a bit.. but then certain things happen where I feel maybe I'm not really where I belong.. that maybe I'm intruding on the happiness of others... and that makes me feel sad too. I don't want to bother anyone. I just want to express myself and try to make myself a bit happy at times. Sometimes I almost feel bi-polar.. but I have a pretty good handle on hiding my feeling in front of most people. I think we all wear masks at times.. I've even blogged about it... it makes us feel safe.. less vulnerable. I know I need to try to find a balance.. and as far as anger... I have found it. I am not upset or angry at anyone.  I have said that a few times, but it makes me a bit happy that I am to that point in my life. That I have let go of some of those bad emotions. I will continue to try to move forward with the rest of my life... It's difficult at times when I feel like I really don't have anyone in my corner supporting me. I suppose I'll just have to count on myself for the support I need. It has worked so far.