Make Lemonade.

I'm really not feeling it.. life.. whatever... I just want to go back to bed and go to sleep. The IT guy is out this week, so I get to do his job and my job both. I went the extra mile and did a couple of duties I did when I was helping out the manager.. but got a bit of a reprimand for it.. so watch and see if I do anything to help her out without being asked.. as a matter of fact.. I feel like I'm done with anything extra. I'll do what I'm supposed to do.. but even in life outside of work, I don't see the point. I'm back to just existing again.... only because I really can't do anything but that. I'm ready to just chuck everything and live for the day... not putting any concern into my future. I am not guaranteed one of those anyway... so what if I am afraid of doing things because it might ruin my future. I shouldn't be... I can be a certain way... and live a certain life.. and miss out on grabbing the gusto.. just because I'm worried about the outcome.. but then I end up being miserable for a long time... instead of being happy for a short time. That just might be answer... try to do things that make you happy now.. and long term happiness.. is a bunch of short term happy points strung together to make life worth living.. because to be perfectly honest... I am not feeling like life is worth much of anything. I've had several friends who have had people in their life die recently.. and where I'm not fixated on death, I do realize that it could come at any time... and in that moment... I will probably think.. I didn't get to do this.. or this.. or this.. instead I should be trying to enjoy the moments as they come and try to deal with the outcome. I don't think I will ever have a long-term meaningful relationship.. but I'm not going to base my happiness on something I'm almost positive will never exist. That's like saying I will only be happy on my terms. Fate won't play that game.. you have to take what you are given and try to look on the positive side of it... after all when life hands you lemons.. make lemonade.

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