I've Never Done Much Of That.

We tend to focus on the negative things in our lives.. and in doing so we overlook the positive things.. no matter how bad things get, there are still positive influences in our lives.  It's hard to actually see these at times because we do get overwhelmed by negative influences. We have a lot of forces that act on us keeping us from being in touch with ourselves... we let people make us see ourselves as someone we're not.. and honestly .. I think that most of us set our standards at what we want them to be ...for other people.  I'm not that good of a person.. but I'm great at keeping to my standards... guess what.. I have what other people would consider faults.. but I'll use those faults to my advantage... I do have a tendency to manipulate other people to do things I want..  I play out certain scenarios in my head to come up with the best possible outcome.. and I will act accordingly to get what I want.  Sometimes I even hurt other people.. but it's not because I want to .. well.. most of the time.. sometimes people just get hurt because they get caught in the crossfire between me and fate.. I work to shape my own fate.. and maybe I don't always succeed at it.. but I do make an effort.. it's the people that have given up and rolled over to play dead that really annoy me.. I've almost given up several times.. and there are times where my life has stalled.. but I'm going to do something about it.. I won't give up that hope that I can still make a change.. and when I'm able to.. I will.  I'm a strong, vibrant person.. and I have a lot to give left in this aging body.. it's not too old to still taste some of the flavor of life.. I have an intolerance to bullshit.. that's true.. and to be honest.. when someone says one thing.. then does the exact opposite.. they lose all credibility in my book.. I have enough self-esteem not to give my life over to my past..and let it all come crashing down around me... I look for opportunities to live life where I can.. and if it means I have to crash through some of the barriers I've placed around me.. then so be it.. I will take the chance to do things I've never done.. and actually live my life.. I've never done much of that..

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