Opposites Don't Always Compliment.

Sometimes it doesn't take much for my dad to set me off... I had said something about doing computer work for someone and he asked me where.. and who.. and how long and everything else.. now.. if it were because of something important, I'd be touched that he cared that much.. but my dad is OCD.. he wanted to just drive me there.. and wait for me to be finished.. I know that he means well.. but I've felt like my life is enough of a prison as it is.. I don't want my furloughs from prison to be under armed guard observation.  I don't know what his problem is.. and at some point... he is going to have to be put in a home.. because I can't deal with him if he gets alzheimer's... like several in our family have.. he's got a way of looking at things.. and it's going to be that way.. if there is anything in his power he has to say about it.  I know that things will eventually boil over between him and I.. I'm not looking forward to it.  There are times when I just want to give up.. and take my dad to a bar.. and start drinking.. and see what he says... and then pick up some woman and walk out with her.. I can't see me doing that of course.. because I just can't.. but it would be interesting to get my dad's reaction.  I'm going to tell him that I will be leaving soon.. in a sense.. I have a harder time trying to get that through to him than to my spouse... I don't know why its so hard for people to understand me.. am I that bad at communication? I always felt I was pretty open.. but I've also pulled punches in trying not to be blatant about things.  Maybe that's my problem.. I shouldn't be pulling any punches.. I need to lay everything out there just like it is.. and let other people deal with it.  I have issues with so much lately.. and I know there should be no reason for me to..  I feel the strain of trying to pretend there is nothing wrong.

I started a whole blog this morning about stress and issues.. it just poured out of me.. just about all kinds of things... sometimes I even spill things I shouldn't talk about or remind myself of.. but I still do.  I still believe that actions speak a whole lot louder than words.  I don't care if anyone ever tells me they are sorry... "I'm sorry" is the most overused phrase in the English language.   If a person is truly sorry.. they don't have to say it.. they have to show it.. I can say I'm sorry about many things I've done.. but if I go out .. and do the same things.. or something similar.. then.. no.. I'm not sorry.. we all make mistakes.. and we all live with the outcome of those mistakes.. but then everyone assumes that saying "I'm sorry" makes it all better.. How about if I say "I'm rich" .. does that make it true?   If that was the case... I've been growing about things in a totally wrong way.  I learned long ago that I will never be rich... I have a "giving" personality.. but I enjoy giving... but I'm also a bit selfish... I might give.. and give.. and still give some more... but if no one gives back... I will soon realize that a person doesn't appreciate my efforts.  I don't have to be anywhere I don't want to be... I say I don't want to be in my house.. but in all actuality, my spouse does attempt to do things.. she takes care of the most important thing in my life.. my daughters... and that in itself is merit for some consideration... I do appreciate that.. and will continue to support her effort to take care of my daughters.   I don't know how long... my soul says I can't remain in limbo for a whole lot longer... but my mind tells me that it will be difficult to live on less than 1000 a month.. I guess in a way I'm hoping for a miracle.. I know that if someone believes hard enough... that miracles can happen.

We all interact with the universe around us... I'm a believer that we past lives are entirely possible... nowhere is there evidence to the contrary... but I believe that if it IS true..  the people we interact with in a past life.. are almost never in our current lives.. there are billions of people on the planet.. if there is a connection with someone in a past life, then if they intersect our paths in this life... they almost have to make a positive influence on us... be a positive or supporting role in our lives.. I don't see the universe as this destructive force.. I see it only as a growing and positive environment.  There is only so much interaction that two forces will exhibit on each other.. before they end up cancelling each other out.. it's like I said with the laws of physics.. for every action.. there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I think this applies to soul attraction also... yes.. there are people out there that are created to be our opposite.. maybe even negative versions.. but as we pass.. so too do they... and if we are created again.. that force is put into someone as far away from us as can be.. there is a chance we will meet them.. but I don't look for it.. Opposites don't always compliment.