Maybe One Day I'll Remember.

I've reached a point of lack of motivation.. I don't know if it is due to the drain of energy on my life.. or what... but I almost feel like there's not much point to anything anymore.. The only motivation in my life right now.. is my daughters.. and that's only a drive to get me to stay here.. and get up and go to work each day... Other than that.. I don't feel like doing anything.  I will occasionally get into a rut.. but it's not like this.  This is not a rut.. it's just a feeling that no matter how I live my life... it's not going to matter.  Sure... there are "rut-like" qualities to what I'm going through... but I have lost most of my ambition. At one time this morning I thought to myself... why leave? ...there's no better future awaiting me, anyway... I suppose it's time for me to jump up on my soapbox and give myself the lecture for kick-starting my life. I've gone through it several times.. not that it really makes much of a difference in the outcome.. it just causes me not to frown as much.... for awhile.

There are so many times in my life where I just want to curl up in bed.. and stay there.. not talking or chatting.. not even to my daughters... I won't let the door open to depression.. but that's sort of what it feels like.  I know that once you let depression start ruling your life.. it's a tough road to recovery... I've witnessed it on many occasions.  I am sitting here in the chair crying for no reason.. but then there's every reason.. I won't break.. I won't let myself do that.. I just have to look for sources of strength in my life.. maybe I still have a bit of strength left inside me.. it's just hard to find it right now. ...I know this will pass.. the logical part of my brain tells me that.. and I will just work my way to my next conflicts in my life.. but they too shall pass.. Life is a series of conflicts we just need to work through.  The thing is.. I can't remember the last thing in my life that made me truly happy.... I know there have been things.. I've just lost sight of them.. Maybe one day I'll remember...

Comments

  1. RTJuly 19, 2013 at 9:03 AM

    It will come back... you will recover. You will. I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Daisy Publications July 19, 2013 at 8:08 PM

    in the meantime you always have your BFF to kill the time with ;)

    ReplyDelete

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