I Don't Have A Good Answer.

I sometimes think that most people need placeholders in their lives.. they move from one situation to another.. and think that maybe they can improve where they are.. by who they are with.. but in all actuality.. they need to be more focused on finding themselves or changing what they don't like about themselves.. than changing the people around them.  Sure if there are people in your life that only bring you down.. get rid of them.. or try to help them change.. but there is only so much you can do for others.. true change has to come from within.... and some people aren't willing to embrace change.. they spend so much time trying to blame others for their faults.. that they can't see their own issues.  Once a person has determined that they have traits or characteristics they want to change.. then the hard part starts.. actually believing they can change them.  Some people want things to change.. but are never willing to put forth the effort to make the changes.. instead they can whine and complain about how this was.. and that has been.. and those people are destined to live in the past.  If the past is something that brings you down.. remove yourself from it.  Some people live with the same crap.. day after day... and wonder why everything is still shit.. still others.. like to stir up shit and then wonder why things stink..   I have said that we all like to watch drama from a distance.. but there are actually a few people that might thrive on it.. I like to believe that people are smarter than that.... I know that there are reasons why we do things that might not seem so smart when trying to avoid drama.. but I just got interrupted and forgot my train of thought on that.. so I will leave it be.

I think that people were put on this earth to draw energy from each other.. but so many times we end up displacing so much negative energy that we suck the energy out of those near us. I don't want to suck anything.. well.. let me rephrase that.. I don't want to draw negative energy out of anyone.. I have the wants and desires that every normal person has.. and sometimes I think about just becoming the type of person to suck the marrow out of every last moment of life... not worrying about the consequences.. I think more and more about that.. but I know I'd have some issues with myself for doing that... I also know that will just set myself up for more drama down the road.. but I am wondering if there is a balance.. like if I am just truthful about it all and just say and do what I please..  I want to know that I am still the same person.. but how do we measure who we are?  I can't go by what any standards others set for me.. I have to go by the ones I've set for myself.. so.. then what if I try to change those standards.. does that change who I am?  does it really matter if I do change?   After all.. life is all about change.  Would I rather be miserable some of the time.. rather than never being happy?   It's questions like this I ask myself on a regular basis.. and to tell the truth.. I don't have a good answer.