Can't sleep.. again..

Ok.. so it's 2:10.. and I still can't sleep.. my heart is racing.. and my body won't let me sleep.  Right now.. I almost feel as though I'll never sleep again.  Am I over-reacting?.. maybe.  I just hurt at the moment.. things I already suspected.. have come to be true. It's difficult to think I had something so special.. something that would last.. to find out that it wasn't as special to her.. something she could toss aside for someone else.  Yes... I can only think of two questions at the moment... Does she want intimacy with me??  .. no.. Does she want intimacy with him?? ..yes.. I can't change how she feels.. it's just that way.. so now I need to cope with it. I really do want to support her.  No matter what her feelings for me now.. I still love her. I always will.. no matter what she does to me. No matter how much I hurt.. and want to believe that what we had.. was the type of love that always lasts..  ...I feel a rejection that I have only felt once before.. back in college... when I was with a woman for 2 years... and rather than tell me she wanted someone else.. she cast me aside and was with him... Yes.. I am in pain.. misery.. but I don't know how to make it go away.  I needed to get some of this off my chest.. and all my thoughts right now are thoughts that would hurt her if I were to tell her them.. and I truly don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to be unhappy.. If HE makes her happy... if she wants HIM.. instead of me.. I can't do anything about that. I hope they can find something that she is looking for.. if she even knows what that is.. all I can give her.. is everything I have.. all the love in my heart.. unconditional love..   and I am finding out ..that I am not enough to satisfy her. I want things to be differently.. I want to be able to show her that I am still here for her.. but she doesn't need me anymore... I understand that now. I still won't be able to move on.. I still know what I feel in my heart for her.. it will always be there.. right now.. I feel my heart is breaking.. but.. it's ok.. I might not need it anymore, anyway. I hope she can find the happiness she is searching for.. I'm just sad that it doesn't appear to be me.

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