over

It gets no easier... if anything it gets worse each day.  I realize that I am damaged goods. I won't trust anything I might feel for someone else. I know that I can fool myself into thinking they might actually care about me.  ...but no more. I realize that there is no reason for me to expect anyone to love me. I just know that I'm not going to try anymore either.  I can't survive another time like this.. I'm not completely certain I'm going to survive this one.  I don't know how long I will feel this way.. I think the logical part of me.. will help me to remember this feeling.. and I won't ever allow myself to love anyone like I love her.  I cannot make the same mistake again.. I don't know exactly what she felt for me.. but I am certain now.. it wasn't love.   Love doesn't end. You don't just stop loving someone.  She's hurt me more than I ever even thought possible. I still lie awake at night and cry myself to sleep.  I am angry at myself for being so naive... for thinking that she was capable of loving me. I know she didn't mean to purposely lie to me.. and to herself..  I hope she is happy enough for the both of us.  The thing is.. even though I said I'd take her back.. I know that I would never trust her now.. not to run away again... so I guess it's truly over.

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