Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. It seems very strange not having a trip planned to visit my mom... she is one of the few people in my life that gave me hope for the behavior of people... She never talked bad about anyone... she never intentionally hurt anyone... and she tried to live the best she could for her beliefs.... they were strong beliefs.. and ones we didn't always share... but nevertheless... she did  an outstanding job of upholding them. She was a very strong person... as far as her character went. She did what she could to be a wonderful mother... and good wife... and a friend to everyone.  She put up with more from my dad than I would have ever thought humanly possible.. and where it was evident they didn't have a physical relationship... I knew she loved him more than anything.  She actually might have had relations with Dad.. but felt it her duty to keep intimate details from being obvious... she was good enough with that.  I still remember the final days.. the final hours.. and how difficult it was... to sit there and watch her slowly pass away. I don't think she was in too much pain... but she was ... somewhat uncomfortable during the time before she gave up.. constantly dehydrated.. we would swab her mouth with ice water...  she made the comment that it felt good.. and Dad spent every few minutes doing that.. even after she was no longer able to communicate... he kept on.. every few minutes...  When she finally stopped breathing... I saw... so did a few others.. but... we just.. kept waiting for her to take another breath... dad went to swab her mouth.. and noticed she wasn't breathing... then he knew... and we all did.. she was gone.... at peace at last.  I only wish that we had known a little longer... Five weeks wasn't nearly long enough to deal with the fact that she had cancer... it was so aggressive.. and we couldn't do anything about  it. I am trying to put the memories of the last days out of my head... and just concentrate on all the good times.. She and I used to go shopping... a lot... she seemed to enjoy that... and I did too. It  doesn't matter about all the other crap that goes on in our lives.... sooner or later.. it all ends.. All we can do is try to take hold and enjoy the moments we have.  Trying to be the best person we can be. I almost got lured into antagonistic posts from my ex and her new boyfriend... and I figured I had better things to do than just sit around for that... My life is more than that... and I know my mom wouldn't approve.. so I will continue to be.. me.. and will continue to cherish the memories of my friends and family... I love you Mom.  Happy Mother's Day.

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