What I feel to do.

Did you ever notice that most times.. right after you wake up... you forget what you were just dreaming... within 30 seconds or so... I was like that for a long time... but then the first 30 seconds.. I decide to think about what I was just doing.. and I can then remember quite a bit of it... if I wake up and am instantly distracted... it's very likely I won't have a clue about my dream. I love my dreams... sometimes it's the only place I can go to get away.  I am putting off setting a standard time for leaving.. and I need not do that... I need to pick a date.. and then tell my spouse... hey.. THIS is the date.. that I'm moving out.. be ready. I hope to have that talk with her within the next week or so.. I will probably wait until the kids get out of school.. and maybe see if they will spend the night at their cousin's house. There's no emergency to my plans.. just that I feel I am sitting here.. wasting time.... I sort of didn't want to go and move everything out.. just to move again if I got transferred.. I HATE moving.. so... I was hoping to find a bit more stability in my life... before upheaving it all again. I don't really think that is going to be an option though.  My spouse needs to get a job... still. I am hoping that my current employer will send me to the CompTIA breakaway conference the last of July/ first of Aug.  It's in Vegas this year.... I've been told I could go.. for several years now.. It's in my official IDP for my job.. so I have everything set aside for it... I've never been to Vegas.. I know I'll enjoy going. Life is going very well for me at the moment.. emotionally.. I have chosen a path that I feel happy with.. I am doing things.. just for me.. and don't feel that I have expectations thrust upon me. I can truly say that for the first time in years.. I can see a viable future for myself.. with limitless possibilities.. I don't know how much support I'll have from my friends and family in the decisions I will make... but before I was concerned about that.. now.. I feel free to make my own choices.. I feel comfortable with myself and who I am.. I think everyone is working toward that goal. but very few are actually getting to that point.  I am thankful for the support that I do get.. and I hope that my friends know I'll always be there for them... but all I will offer is friendship.. I don't always do what is expected of me anymore... and that's okay... I will do.. what I feel to do.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more