One giant leap

Another weekend... I sort of dread them.. because I don't know how much time I'm gonna have to spend to try to avoid my spouse. It's not like I'm trying to hurt her on purpose.. I just don't want to deal with her. I wonder how many people are truly happy in their marriages.. We all make up excuses for things we do... I make up excuses for why I'm still living here.. I make up excuses for not having the talk.. I think some of what goes into that is the fact that most of us.. are cowards.. and hate confrontation.. we don't want to upset the balance of our discomfort.... to possibly make things worse... but then.. many times.. it is better once we finally are able to jump into the abyss of divorce. My daughters are still the most important thing in my life.. as they will always be.  It's difficult to know what is the best for them.. and before making life altering decisions, I want to be careful not to completely screw up their lives.. right now... I can blame things on.. circumstance. I think we try to shift the blame for our lives.. onto other people.. or other things.. but when it comes down to it.. We are responsible for where we are.. due to our choices.. whether it is a lack of judgement.. or a lack of making informed choices.. we still put ourselves into our situations.. It's true that things happen that are beyond our control.. but we still choose how to deal with them... We always have a choice.. even by not choosing.. we're making a choice.  I suppose what I am trying to say... is that if you life isn't good.. and you aren't happy about it.. then make other choices.  You can come up with all the excuses you want.. about how you can't do this.. or can't do that.. but when it comes down to it.. you can  do much more than you realize. For instance.. I could get into my car now with a suitcase.. and never come back... but.. am I prepared to deal with what comes after?  I could look for a job elsewhere.. without my center being shut down..  I actually am starting with that now... sometimes.. it just takes baby steps for us to make changes.. if you take enough baby steps.. you've made one giant leap.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Not In My Lifetime.

It's 1:15 am.. I just got back from my niece's wedding.. and it was.. different .. not what I was used to.. but nice all the same..  I only have this to say about the reception... WTF!!! l guess I should give a bit of background information... my spouse wandered off doing her own thing.. as I prefer it that way... so when I happen to come into close proximity of her by accident.. she motions me over.. and has been talking to the head of the catering company... they have been talking for awhile.. and in a short period of time.. they have been getting to know each other a bit..   as I approach.. this woman.. who's name is the same as my spouse.. is saying.. "I just seem to know him.. he looks like John.. somebody"  My spouse then starts with a sales pitch of how great of a guy I am.. and what I do teaching computers.. and this woman starts striking up a conversation with me in front of my spouse.. she even talks about how handsome I am...   she mentions that she i...
Read more

Something I Have Learned Well.

It's odd how we interact with others on so many levels... one would assume by my wide range of references that I have a large assortment of friends.. In all actuality, the people in my circle of friends could be counted on my hands.. and close friends... well..  easily on one hand. I'm not what I would consider a social butterfly... but to be honest.. I sometimes like crowds.. I enjoy having groups of people around me.. I don't stick out like a sore thumb.. and sometimes getting lost in the rest of the world... isn't such a bad thing. How often do you go and "people watch" ....and then think about those people once you're gone... not very often, I'm guessing.. not unless one did something completely out of the ordinary.  I just like having the feeling that I'm normal.. an ordinary person... I just sat here in this chair for most of the weekend.. not really accomplishing anything.. nothing constructive by any means... I feel as though maybe I'm...
Read more

Stay Out Of Things Where I Don't Belong.

I am starting to get used to the hours... I think... who knows.. one day I feel like I was drug out of my bed kicking and screaming... other days I feel like I've been poured full of coffee and energy drinks... I've cut down on my morning coffee by the way... Oh... I didn't blog about that... after first moving here, I started drinking flavored coffee in the mornings... but I've decided I don't want to get dependent on that.... I still have the occasional coffee... but as I've said before... too much of anything is a bad idea... so I cut back.  I also decided to give up something for Lent... I might have blogged about it... but I tried to think of something that would be a sacrifice.. so I gave up masturbation.  I know that's not really in the spirit of Lent... as far as giving up something like that... but hey... I can't think of many other things I enjoy more... especially with my sex life as it is... I sorta don't have the inspiration at this poi...
Read more