I Am Doing Well On My Own.
More and more I'm feeling the calling for the need to go fishing.. I may have to pick up my rod and reels very soon.. just to get them prepped for fishing.. I guess I can put up with my dad for just a little while. He wants to get a gun.. and actually asked my advice... something about home protection.. I don't know why he would ever need it, personally.. knowing where he is.. but we are in Kentucky.. probably the second or third most percentage of gun owners... behind Texas and Montana... I'll have to look that up because I'm curious now. We had 4 people out in our department yesterday.. no telling how many today.. but it's not my issue... not as long as our illustrious leader shows up... I suppose we shall see.
3 weeks and counting.. I'm pretty sure we'll hear something about our center by then... one thing is for certain.. if they don't shut it down.. it will be a difficult place to work since anyone will be able to get away with doing just about anything.. or nothing as the case may be... without the fear of losing their job. At one time I thought I'd love to be able to help and coordinate the department by being the manager... but knowing all I do now... I'm not so certain that would be a good idea. There are too many people who have all but given up.... and I don't know that they'll ever change. One thing is for certain.. I'm going to maintain my productivity.. as much as I can anyway.. I finally did get my outstanding review.. and I think a monetary award.. we'll see how that goes.
I'm still on my diet.. I can begin to see a noticeable difference. I think other people can too.. and it's nice to feel the way I do physically.. even if I am somewhat hungry now. I just need to maintain focus and get to my goal.. then I can work on balancing out a decent diet and building myself in the proper manner. I can do it if I really put my mind to it.. just like anything else. ...and I'm certain that most people can .. most aren't willing to put forth the effort. But as with anything in life.. you have to put forth a bit of effort if something is worth achieving. I think that most people have forgotten that. We've all become a bit lazy... I know I have. ...or maybe it's because for the longest time, I've lost the ability to give that effort. I've been through some pretty trying times... it's like that when you give everything you are.... and then get destroyed.. it sort of destroys your "give a damn" in the process. I look back and realize that I really did give all I had.. and put all of myself into my emotions. That was a huge mistake. No one really cares if you are in a relationship 100 percent.. or at least 90 percent.. I suppose it might have been that 10 percent commitment that I have for my daughters that kept me from being completely involved... but there was one time that I would have been willing to move out and give it all up... and I would have been rejected and completely destroyed.. not just figuratively.. I wouldn't have been able to recuperate... I suppose that was just God's way of protecting me... by letting it end before I made that final commitment. I am glad I didn't do it now.. but at the time.. I lost a lot of who I am... and I won't ever get that back.. and I really don't want it back. I am fairly certain that I don't have the ability to give everything anymore.. and I know I won't try and find out. There is no reason to because I don't really need that in my life anymore. I am doing well on my own.
3 weeks and counting.. I'm pretty sure we'll hear something about our center by then... one thing is for certain.. if they don't shut it down.. it will be a difficult place to work since anyone will be able to get away with doing just about anything.. or nothing as the case may be... without the fear of losing their job. At one time I thought I'd love to be able to help and coordinate the department by being the manager... but knowing all I do now... I'm not so certain that would be a good idea. There are too many people who have all but given up.... and I don't know that they'll ever change. One thing is for certain.. I'm going to maintain my productivity.. as much as I can anyway.. I finally did get my outstanding review.. and I think a monetary award.. we'll see how that goes.
I'm still on my diet.. I can begin to see a noticeable difference. I think other people can too.. and it's nice to feel the way I do physically.. even if I am somewhat hungry now. I just need to maintain focus and get to my goal.. then I can work on balancing out a decent diet and building myself in the proper manner. I can do it if I really put my mind to it.. just like anything else. ...and I'm certain that most people can .. most aren't willing to put forth the effort. But as with anything in life.. you have to put forth a bit of effort if something is worth achieving. I think that most people have forgotten that. We've all become a bit lazy... I know I have. ...or maybe it's because for the longest time, I've lost the ability to give that effort. I've been through some pretty trying times... it's like that when you give everything you are.... and then get destroyed.. it sort of destroys your "give a damn" in the process. I look back and realize that I really did give all I had.. and put all of myself into my emotions. That was a huge mistake. No one really cares if you are in a relationship 100 percent.. or at least 90 percent.. I suppose it might have been that 10 percent commitment that I have for my daughters that kept me from being completely involved... but there was one time that I would have been willing to move out and give it all up... and I would have been rejected and completely destroyed.. not just figuratively.. I wouldn't have been able to recuperate... I suppose that was just God's way of protecting me... by letting it end before I made that final commitment. I am glad I didn't do it now.. but at the time.. I lost a lot of who I am... and I won't ever get that back.. and I really don't want it back. I am fairly certain that I don't have the ability to give everything anymore.. and I know I won't try and find out. There is no reason to because I don't really need that in my life anymore. I am doing well on my own.
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