I Feel I Am Justified.
So after talking with the Ky IRS.. all I have to do is prove I live in Nashville.. simple.. right? ...not so much.... I checked my W-2 form from Dell for that year.. but I had them switch it to my dad's address in Kentucky after I left because I didn't know where I was going to be. I thought next I'll check with the apartment complex where I lived down there.. but they only have records going back to 2009... so I will need to hit up the electric.. cable.. auto insurance, and DMV to get some bills.. and hopefully that will do. It means taking a day or two off work to chase all of this down.. but I'm not going to put it off until the last minute.. and it definitely is worth $2600 to get it done.
Dad is still insistent on going hunting.. not sure why.. maybe he just wants to spend a little "bonding" time with me before he passes away.. I'm okay with that... but I have no desire to go shoot at rats with bushy tails.. if I were hurting for food.. then maybe.. but I am not.. and I can think of much better alternatives even if I were. I told him it's supposed to be storming this weekend.. so he might leave me be for a bit longer.. still it's dad.. he will probably come up with something.
I still very stressed out.. as there is very little safe haven in my life for no stress at the moment.. but I deal with it the best I can. I will still hold myself to a certain standard... and I won't let it get the best of me. I think we all can deal with things if we just cling to the knowledge that years from now.. most of the crap will be gone and all will be okay.. even if not good. That's all I'm looking for in my life right now.. a spot of "okay" ..it doesn't seem to be happening.. but there is no way I'm going to push myself into being someone I'm not.. yeah.. it would be easy to flip out at people.. it would be simple to just run away.. but I'm not that person nor will I ever be. I've can only remember 4 times in my life where I was very angry.. and I always act in a semi-rational manner.. I think that might piss some people off that I am able to keep my cool. The times I lose rational thought is when I'm hurt... I have been taken off guard a few times in my life.. and I just try to get away from the source of the pain.. I think that's still rational on a subconscious level.. I mean if we stick our hand on something hot.. don't we pull back? ... still, I deal with things as I am able to.. and I will always do what I can to protect myself. Some people may see that as becoming anti-social. It's easy to be that way when you've been exposed to all the things I have. It's years later and I still feel the betrayal I experienced. I think that sometimes I might be labelled as a cheater because I cheated on my spouse.. so I'll cheat on someone else... but that's like saying to someone who is divorced.. you left your spouse... so you'd leave someone else too.. what I'm getting at.. is we all have reasons why we do things.. and sometimes we need to take action to deal with our situation. Was my actions the best course for me? ...who knows.. but it's something I felt I needed to do at the time.. as I will always do what I feel is best for me.. but I don't do anything drastic without a reason. I feel I am justified.
Dad is still insistent on going hunting.. not sure why.. maybe he just wants to spend a little "bonding" time with me before he passes away.. I'm okay with that... but I have no desire to go shoot at rats with bushy tails.. if I were hurting for food.. then maybe.. but I am not.. and I can think of much better alternatives even if I were. I told him it's supposed to be storming this weekend.. so he might leave me be for a bit longer.. still it's dad.. he will probably come up with something.
I still very stressed out.. as there is very little safe haven in my life for no stress at the moment.. but I deal with it the best I can. I will still hold myself to a certain standard... and I won't let it get the best of me. I think we all can deal with things if we just cling to the knowledge that years from now.. most of the crap will be gone and all will be okay.. even if not good. That's all I'm looking for in my life right now.. a spot of "okay" ..it doesn't seem to be happening.. but there is no way I'm going to push myself into being someone I'm not.. yeah.. it would be easy to flip out at people.. it would be simple to just run away.. but I'm not that person nor will I ever be. I've can only remember 4 times in my life where I was very angry.. and I always act in a semi-rational manner.. I think that might piss some people off that I am able to keep my cool. The times I lose rational thought is when I'm hurt... I have been taken off guard a few times in my life.. and I just try to get away from the source of the pain.. I think that's still rational on a subconscious level.. I mean if we stick our hand on something hot.. don't we pull back? ... still, I deal with things as I am able to.. and I will always do what I can to protect myself. Some people may see that as becoming anti-social. It's easy to be that way when you've been exposed to all the things I have. It's years later and I still feel the betrayal I experienced. I think that sometimes I might be labelled as a cheater because I cheated on my spouse.. so I'll cheat on someone else... but that's like saying to someone who is divorced.. you left your spouse... so you'd leave someone else too.. what I'm getting at.. is we all have reasons why we do things.. and sometimes we need to take action to deal with our situation. Was my actions the best course for me? ...who knows.. but it's something I felt I needed to do at the time.. as I will always do what I feel is best for me.. but I don't do anything drastic without a reason. I feel I am justified.
Comments
Post a Comment