I Never Forget... Ever.
I'm back on my diet.. not much harm done evidently.. just one meal where I pigged out a bit.. well.. I didn't really pig out.. I just ate more than I should have.. but things are back to normal with me not eating again.. My daughter saw me today without my shirt on and asked me why I'm growing muscles on my stomach.. this is my youngest.. so I thought that was a compliment.. and took it as such... I just weighed myself to see where I'm at.. still 180... so I have 20 more pounds to go... and then I'll work on a balanced diet.. I actually feel a little better, although I'm not quite sure why.. life sucks as much now as it ever did.. but I'm okay with it. I suppose I'm just adjusting to the way things are. I have been playing world of warcraft most of the weekend, although I did get out for awhile yesterday.. I got a haircut.. and delivered a computer I was working on for a former co-worker.. Maybe it's the nice weather we had that lightened my mood. I was told by my former co-worker that she had told my spouse about a job possibility, but evidently my spouse decided to keep that information to herself.. I really think I will just have to move out before she will even attempt to get a job.. although I've told her it's coming.. maybe she doesn't believe me.. and although it really won't change the way I live a whole lot, it is something I need to do.. for me if not for anything else... I don't know how to be more open about it all.. I suppose I could just tell her everything.. I have sorta planned on that all along.. but I want to wait until I am able to move... so that I can avoid a hostile environment around my daughters... That will be the push that might motivate her to try and fend for herself.. The problem with most people is that they aren't confident in what they can do for themselves.. until they have to do it.. and then it's like they're almost surprised... I've always said that people can do so much more if they put their mind to it.. I know I can.. my problem isn't my confidence.. it is my lack of motivation.. I know that I can do quite a bit.. and no.. I'm not modest at all.. I do things for me.. I don't have to prove myself to anyone else. ...and if people don't like what I do.. they can always remove themselves. I know that sounds a bit harsh.. but I've learned that if you don't watch out for yourself, people will run all over you... as it is.. people will say what they want... just to get what they want.. I just want honesty in my life.. and I'm the only one I trust to be completely honest.. even then I've lied to myself in the past.. but I'm trying never to do that again. This blog is my avenue for getting things out.. and it will continue to be.. I just don't know what I want out sometimes.. There are times when I just start typing.. and it comes to me as fast as my fingers will type it out. I really don't have a clue what I'm going to say before I get online... other times, I know what I want to say... but just have to hash it out.. and just get it out there...
I enjoy being me.. I will continue to be who I am.. and those people from my past.. I've said it's not your fault for the way I act.. but in a way.. yes.. it is.. I choose to react.. the way I do.. but it's in response to what I've been put through.. so I won't take full responsibility for everything. I forgive people for the misleading statements they've made.. but I never forget.. ever..
I enjoy being me.. I will continue to be who I am.. and those people from my past.. I've said it's not your fault for the way I act.. but in a way.. yes.. it is.. I choose to react.. the way I do.. but it's in response to what I've been put through.. so I won't take full responsibility for everything. I forgive people for the misleading statements they've made.. but I never forget.. ever..
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