That's What I Do.

I got some exercise yesterday.. and I feel a little more energetic.. I think that is really all I need.. some activity.. it's just difficult to do that when everything is so far away.. of course that's just an excuse.. I could always come up with something to do.  I enjoy a bit of physical activity now and then.. but it would be nice to have someone to talk with.. or just hang out with and be able to do that... I have a guy I work with talk about going fishing.. and yes.. I'm still hung up on that fishing issue.. my dad says that he couldn't find my fishing gear at his house.. so I'm going to have to go look for myself.. I told him where it was.. but evidently someone has moved it.  I will check it out soon.  I am thinking of adjusting my eating (or non-eating) habits.... I want to develop a lifestyle of eating that I can live with.  I don't think it'll be too hard.. I just have to be self-conscious about everything I put into my body.. until it just becomes natural.  I hope that maybe that will make me sleep better... as I was up at 4 am this morning.. and a few times throughout the night.. I jumped online and played some arcade games instead of my normal World of Warcraft... I am losing the drive to want to play it.. it just doesn't seem the same anymore.. I'm sure it'll be okay.. and I'll be back to normal with my addiction soon.

I am trying to wait out the decisions at work.. to hopefully close the place.. or do something drastic.. because that place needs some major changes if they hope to keep it open.. but I will have my 3 years in government service on Aug. 30.. it's at that point where my focus will change to get away and do something on a permanent basis.. something I can live with.

I lie awake at night now.. a few times when I wake up.. I just lay there.. I don't know why I am having trouble sleeping.. if I did.. maybe I could get it out here and deal with it.. it might be my eating habits.. which is why I figure I need to level those out... It could be my physical activity level.. although yesterday I got quite a bit.. of course that's just an isolated event.. maybe I just have buried who I am so deep that I feel lost.. I'm so much different now than I was... I am indifferent about a lot of things where I used to be so passionate about life.  Now.. I still just exist.. I go through the motions of living.. and my sole purpose for waking up is to just make it to the next day.  Maybe that's what is catching up to me.. I am finding myself not interested in a lot of things anymore.. I am getting to the point where I really don't care if I wake up.. because it's just going to be a repeat of yesterday.. and the day before.. and the day before that... but I will continue to do so... because that's what I do.