I Still Have Hope.

Another visit from my dad last night.. and I'm still trying to recover.  He decided that since I was a bit confrontational about him being a control freak that he would bring me a peace offering. He bought a couple of rod and reel combos "for my birthday" ...even though my birthday isn't for another month. He made mention several times on how much he paid for them.  He also bought 3 guns and is trying to get me to take one.. a 410 gauge shotgun.  I don't know what I'd even do with it.. I don't hunt... although now I have a hunting license... I've learned with dad.. the best thing to do sometimes is just to let him get it out of his system.  I am not going to let him guilt me into changing my attitude with him... it's his choice on what he does.. and mine on what I do. He knows I'm not happy here... maybe he thinks he can buy me to being happy... I know what his motives are.. he knows I'm planning on going fishing.. and since he bought me two rod and reel combos, he might think I feel obligated to go with him.. and I will go with him.. but sometimes I will go by myself too.

Enough about my dad.. he irritates me.. enough said.  I am hoping to get caught up on some of my work stuff today. We'll see how that goes. It seems that I get piled on more stuff every day.. and most of it isn't my stuff to do... but with my work ethic.. I can't ignore things I can't do something about.. it just makes for added pressure... to go along with my added pressure at home. I'm hoping something lets up soon.. or at least I can come up with a way to burn off all this excess pressure.. I thought taking up fishing might do it.. but as I said above, it might turn into even more irritation.

I still am doing decently.. I haven't eaten yet.. well.. except on 2 occasions in the past 3 weeks.. I wonder if I'm passive-aggressively trying to kill myself. I don't think so.. if I was uncomfortable, I would start eating again.  I just need to have control over something in my life.. and my eating habits are the only thing that make a difference right now that I can control.  I hate being in limbo.. I hate having to sit here and be powerless to do anything about my situation.. and I'm beginning to feel like it will never end..  but I know that change is soon coming.. and I still have hope.

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