I Can Do What I Want.

I started to write a blog covering the same things I always cover.. rehashing thing over for the umpteenth time.. but instead I just want to relax for a bit... not worry about life's daily grind on my soul.. and just be. I really have a lot going on in my head.. but there is no.. catharsis to help me release what I have.  I do have to say... I miss sex... maybe I'm not the best at it.. but I don't think I'm horrible.. at least not with the right person. I am not really all that worried about sex in general.. I've learned exactly what I had at the doctor.. and it took them 18 months to figure it out.. but finally.. it has been treated.. and everything is back to normal.  What is normal anyway... my life certainly doesn't have much in the way of normalcy in it.  I have begun to realize that forever doesn't exist.  Sometimes I am closer to my own mortality than I care to be. I see people going through various stages of cancer.  I am exposed to people who are working through violent domestic situations. I have discovered people who are working through near-fatal crashes.. and I think I have it rough.. well.. guess what? just because I have a tendency to feel sorry for myself.. and believe sometimes the world is out to get me... I just have to suck it up and keep going forward.   It shouldn't be about all the negative things I feel I have encountered.  It should be more of a focus on the positive.  I firmly believe that when we live in the negative.. we invite even more negativity into our lives.  Sure.. we're all going to undergo stressful situations.  We all have the "poor me" syndrome every once in awhile.. but we can work through it... and we can be unique in and of ourselves.  I can't and wouldn't change my past.. and I won't look to my future.  Life is a present... I stole that from Kung-Fu Panda.. but it fits.  I don't really have many people in my life that I can share a lot with.. but.. people come into.. and out of my life.. like they always have.. and I know what the score is.. I'm not planning on being anything more or anything less than I am now...

I have to attend a job fair with my students today.. but it's basically for setting up work-based learning sites. This is another idea of my current supervisor... but I'm guessing that the trip will be a waste of time as most anything that is being enacted at the center now.. is falling by the wayside.  I didn't even know about this trip until yesterday... and then I found out last night that she wants current working resumes.. six copies of each.. My students weren't prepared and won't be.. well.. another example of the disorganization and lack of communication at the center where I work. We've gone the last week without a carpentry instructor.. she was let go due to drug issues, at least that's what I've been told.  I really wonder what is next for that place and how much longer it can stay afloat.. Our supervisor delegates all of her work to other people.. then takes credit for it.. making herself look much better.. I'll be glad to get away from here.. and it won't be too soon. I have my career permanent status in one week, and I hope to take full advantage of that to seek a position elsewhere.. It's my life.. I can do what I want.