I Don't Have A Clue.

It's sometimes strange.... just imagining life a bit different.  I know I've talked about moving out now for awhile... and I will get through it.. and on with my life... but my daughter tonight talked about when she would be growing up.. and moving out.  I found it the perfect opportunity to talk to her about how I understood that she and I wouldn't always live in the same house.. but no matter where she lived.. and where I lived... that I would always be there for her if she needed me.  ...and I intend on holding true to that promise... I think maybe she is somewhat prepared for me not living with her... or maybe she senses something is happening soon.  I am not going to broach the subject in detail until I have something worked out in a bit more detail.  I did some job searching today... strung some fishing reels for my fishing trip with dad tomorrow... I might let him know what is happening soon... but part of me is saying.. just wait until I have a plan in place.  I don't know how he will take the news exactly.. but I dread telling him worst of all.. but he'll just have to deal with it.  

I have been back to more of my goofy, flirty self... I think part of that is the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders... knowing that my spouse is expecting me to divorce soon. It will all fall into place... I'm just sure of it.  That brings us to my job.... the head of all the Forest Service job corps centers might be coming to our center next month... that doesn't happen... a national director doesn't go out on the front lines.. but our center will be the one exception.. I think it's because they are seriously thinking of going ahead and closing it.  It is odd that they haven't already closed it.  I don't think anyone has a clue what is going on though... we just muddle our way through each day... and hopefully I can get clear while the getting is good.

I don't really spend that much time blogging anymore.. maybe it's because I am getting things out on the sites.. I find it very strange that I have post of the month on two different sites... I know I've probably said that before, but it does strike me as odd.  Maybe it is just a popularity contest... I just didn't think I was that popular... I'll just continue to be me and post whatever makes me happy.  Everyone else can just deal with it.

Monday.. I have another doctor appt.  I don't know what's going to go on with this visit.. but as I haven't heard anything from them, I am assuming my biopsy was okay.. if it wasn't... I will deal with it.. the same as I deal with everything else when it turns to shit.   Still.. life isn't all that bad.. it has its ups and downs.... like a roller coaster ride... I will continue to ride it and hold on for dear life.. and when it finally stops.. hopefully I won't have puked my guts out.  I just need to gain my focus and do things I've set out to do... who knows what's going to happen... I don't have a clue.

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