I'm Not Las Vegas.

So... another week is here.. not sure what I want to blog... as there are so many things floating around in my mind at the moment... but I thought I'd start typing and see what came out.  Sometimes it's difficult to put into words the feelings we feel.  I remember in college... I lived with a roommate for over a year... we became friends and had some really intimate times together.. not sexually of course.. but we did things together.. and became very good friends... well.. he moved out and went to Nashville and we sort of drifted apart a bit as friends but he was still friends with my uncle.. The thing is.. I really have nothing against anyone... but to invite them into my life.. and give them close access.. well.. I expect them to be honest with me.. and there are many types of dishonesty... If I had known he was homosexual.. it might have affected our friendship a little.. but by him not telling me.. I felt a bit of a betrayal.. it's difficult to recover from something like that.  When someone tells you something.. you sort of take them at their word.. or at least I used to.. but I've learned it's difficult to do that. I've said it before.. and I will say it again..  Most people are not aware of themselves.. so when they say something... it's hard to put faith that what they say is the truth.. because they might not even know what the truth is themselves.. People will lie to themselves to get what they want.. and justify it in whatever manner they feel will get them the most enjoyment.. or least amount of stress. It's all a game for people.. whether they know it or not.. it's a game to see if we can make ourselves happy.. not accounting for the feelings of anyone else.  I have.. in the past.. not been as honest as I could about certain things..and I blame a lot of that on the environment I was in... I have to take most of the credit myself.. for letting it happen...  but I've tried to put that in my past.. and live the most direct lifestyle I can. Are people going to always agree with me?.. of course not.. I know I've said this before.. but it is appropriate to revisit this in my life at the moment.. because I'm almost certain that people will read what they want to into that.. and there is no "reading"  I'm a very literal person.. at least now... I try to be direct in what I say and how I communicate.. and if I say something.. it's not like I have hidden meanings.. If I say something to someone in particular.. I mean it to be exactly that.... don't read more into it.. and don't completely go off on a tangent that has nothing to do with it.  I might occasionally change my mind about things.. but don't bank on it.. especially if the stakes are high.  put all your cards on the table with me.. as I try to do... Even though life is a gamble sometimes... I'm not Las Vegas.