There's Always Hope.
Ever wake up with the feeling that it was going to be a rotten week? ...This is a short week for me... again.. as I will be off Friday... so I'm calling today Tuesday again. Who cares if it's not... to me .. it is. I just woke up with the "blahs" this morning... I can feel the pessimistic attitude starting to try to creep back in. I don't want to be that way... it's just that most of my life is geared toward pessimistic events. Maybe it's just the way I look at things... I mean.. things happen for a reason.. right? When one door closes... another door opens? ...I'm not so sure I can continue believing that. I tend to walk right into walls. I am enjoying life though.. even if I'm not certain about any positive future events.... I can still say that right here.... right now... it's not horrible. By the same token, I can't say that things have really changed all that much.
I'm supposed to be getting together a plan for my program... and submitting all the proposals in a meeting on Thursday. I will have to continue to work hard this week and get things done before my extra day off on Friday. It seems as though to get anything.. you have to work that much harder for it. I told my dad I would try fishing one more time during the 4 day weekend... but I am sort of dreading that too. Dad is ...well.. hard to deal with at times.. any of you reading through this blog should know that. But I've dealt with hard to deal with people many times in my past... and honestly.. I don't mind it.. in fact... I like having people in my life that challenge me... that can argue with me to an extent.. I don't like people who agree with me... just to keep the peace... not that I don't enjoy having someone around that has the same likes and dislikes... that is good also.. I just don't want to be a puppeteer. I have a puppet I've been living with for years and years.. and if she were to scream.. or yell at me at some point.. I would probably hug her.. for speaking up for her point of view... Most people have lost the ability to do that. Too many times.. we follow the path of least resistance... and keep quiet about the things that matter. I've had people in my past.. that would speak up.. and make their voices heard.. That was refreshing.. but it goes without saying.. they also kept too much bottled inside festering on it without sharing or taking "us" into consideration... A relationship will never work like that. but there I go again.. talking like I know a thing or two about relationships... I really don't have a clue.. all I know is what will work in my life. I just never could seem to find it... even when I thought I might have it.. it was all an illusion.
It's strange how taking a bath can sometimes change your perspective completely... like washing away some of the bad stuff in our lives. I enjoy my morning baths... although most times.. I'd rather end up just taking a shower... I let my mind wander a lot during the bath though. I realize that there is hope in everything if we can just step back and let ourselves feel it. The hot water washes over us.. and all that matters right then and there.. is that we are becoming clean. What does it take to clean us out inside.. some people would say religion... or faith.. I do believe in God.. and I know he believes in me.. I just need to be patient... that much longer.. that's what keeps me going.. knowing it won't always be like it is now.. I trudge forward.. because that's part of human endurance. I know I have the strength inside me.. even if at times I feel shattered.. beaten.. I'm still alive.. still walking.. of reasonably good health.. I will take myself through each day and try to be thankful for what I do have.. and not spending it pining for what I don't. There's always hope.
I'm supposed to be getting together a plan for my program... and submitting all the proposals in a meeting on Thursday. I will have to continue to work hard this week and get things done before my extra day off on Friday. It seems as though to get anything.. you have to work that much harder for it. I told my dad I would try fishing one more time during the 4 day weekend... but I am sort of dreading that too. Dad is ...well.. hard to deal with at times.. any of you reading through this blog should know that. But I've dealt with hard to deal with people many times in my past... and honestly.. I don't mind it.. in fact... I like having people in my life that challenge me... that can argue with me to an extent.. I don't like people who agree with me... just to keep the peace... not that I don't enjoy having someone around that has the same likes and dislikes... that is good also.. I just don't want to be a puppeteer. I have a puppet I've been living with for years and years.. and if she were to scream.. or yell at me at some point.. I would probably hug her.. for speaking up for her point of view... Most people have lost the ability to do that. Too many times.. we follow the path of least resistance... and keep quiet about the things that matter. I've had people in my past.. that would speak up.. and make their voices heard.. That was refreshing.. but it goes without saying.. they also kept too much bottled inside festering on it without sharing or taking "us" into consideration... A relationship will never work like that. but there I go again.. talking like I know a thing or two about relationships... I really don't have a clue.. all I know is what will work in my life. I just never could seem to find it... even when I thought I might have it.. it was all an illusion.
It's strange how taking a bath can sometimes change your perspective completely... like washing away some of the bad stuff in our lives. I enjoy my morning baths... although most times.. I'd rather end up just taking a shower... I let my mind wander a lot during the bath though. I realize that there is hope in everything if we can just step back and let ourselves feel it. The hot water washes over us.. and all that matters right then and there.. is that we are becoming clean. What does it take to clean us out inside.. some people would say religion... or faith.. I do believe in God.. and I know he believes in me.. I just need to be patient... that much longer.. that's what keeps me going.. knowing it won't always be like it is now.. I trudge forward.. because that's part of human endurance. I know I have the strength inside me.. even if at times I feel shattered.. beaten.. I'm still alive.. still walking.. of reasonably good health.. I will take myself through each day and try to be thankful for what I do have.. and not spending it pining for what I don't. There's always hope.
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