Just For Me.
I honestly must have a sign on me that says..."Give me your extra work"... Sometimes I wonder when things will lighten up.. I kinda thought when we got a new acting manager.. that things might take a change for the better... but that only happens in a life that has some positive aspects to it, I suppose. I get to rant here in my blog.. for me... I dislike having to do the job of two people... or as it has been the last 2 days... three people... I do what I can.. and screw the rest of it.. it'll happen when and if I get to it. I find myself focusing on work a bit more... I need to get myself ready to go job hunting.. in three weeks, I will become career permanent with the government.. and barring a huge catastrophe... I don't see anything interfering with that.
Don't you just wish sometimes you could have a do-over on a week.. or a month.. or even a year..why? even if you make different decisions, most of the time you can't avoid the dramatic effect some decisions will have on your life. I said several weeks back.. that I'm done living with the intent of working toward something... as far as I'm concerned.. I'll keep living each day and do the best I can to make it to another one... this isn't pessimistic... There will be some good things that will happen along the way.. and there will be bad things too. I am fully prepared for both of them.. I've decided to even quit griping about moving out... or how traumatic my past was... so? We've all had horrible things happen to us.. and we've had people that take their stab at us.. and then move on. I have asked God for many things in my life... and most things.. I don't get... which might be a good thing.. because there are some really fucked up situations out there.. and I am glad I haven't tied myself to anything more than I'm stuck with at the moment. People are strange.. and I'm good with that.. we all have our idea of how things are supposed to go... but I've learned that you can just toss those ideas because for the most part.. they don't work. I refuse to get caught up in any major beliefs for any future... and even me talking about moving out.. is something I'm going to try to do... to work toward.. but let's face it.. I don't have a plan.. I can sometimes barely make ends meet.. and I talk about supporting 2 households?... I firmly believe that I'll figure something out. But the idea of what my future should be like.. is probably different than anyone else. That's a good thing.. I am different than most people. I've tried to stay on my road to self-discovery.. and I've discovered.. I don't have a clue about most things... I don't know exactly what I want out of life... and I may never know.. but that's not a problem... I'm not lying to anyone about any type of future... I'm not promising that I will make any commitments to my job... The only ties I really have anywhere.. are my daughters... and they will remain ties that I won't sever. I might stretch my relationship a bit.. especially if I move to another state.. but let's face it.. I have very little in my life to motivate me to do anything. I continue on my path... enjoying the sunshine one day.. and the rain the next.. and I'll plant my flowers along the side of the road and watch them grow.. but that doesn't mean I'll build a house there.. I don't know that I'll ever stop at any point in my life and stagnate. I don't really plan on it. ...but who knows? I do a lot of things now that I really don't have planned... and to be honest.. I am not worried about much at the moment.
Some people live most of their life.. in fear of something happening... afraid to taste what life has to offer.. well.. you've heard of "Man vs Food" ....I'm like that.. and my food of choice is now life.. I am getting sidetracked a little on my journey along to my destination... but that's just it.. I have no destination... I really don't care what happens. I have set short term goals and will take care of striving toward that.. but I don't have long term goals any more... because there are too many inconsistencies in life to focus on anything long term. I always adapt to my surroundings... and I overcome the adversities that I've faced in the past... I will continue to be who I am... and do what I have to do.. to be what I need to be.. not for anyone else.. just for me.
Don't you just wish sometimes you could have a do-over on a week.. or a month.. or even a year..why? even if you make different decisions, most of the time you can't avoid the dramatic effect some decisions will have on your life. I said several weeks back.. that I'm done living with the intent of working toward something... as far as I'm concerned.. I'll keep living each day and do the best I can to make it to another one... this isn't pessimistic... There will be some good things that will happen along the way.. and there will be bad things too. I am fully prepared for both of them.. I've decided to even quit griping about moving out... or how traumatic my past was... so? We've all had horrible things happen to us.. and we've had people that take their stab at us.. and then move on. I have asked God for many things in my life... and most things.. I don't get... which might be a good thing.. because there are some really fucked up situations out there.. and I am glad I haven't tied myself to anything more than I'm stuck with at the moment. People are strange.. and I'm good with that.. we all have our idea of how things are supposed to go... but I've learned that you can just toss those ideas because for the most part.. they don't work. I refuse to get caught up in any major beliefs for any future... and even me talking about moving out.. is something I'm going to try to do... to work toward.. but let's face it.. I don't have a plan.. I can sometimes barely make ends meet.. and I talk about supporting 2 households?... I firmly believe that I'll figure something out. But the idea of what my future should be like.. is probably different than anyone else. That's a good thing.. I am different than most people. I've tried to stay on my road to self-discovery.. and I've discovered.. I don't have a clue about most things... I don't know exactly what I want out of life... and I may never know.. but that's not a problem... I'm not lying to anyone about any type of future... I'm not promising that I will make any commitments to my job... The only ties I really have anywhere.. are my daughters... and they will remain ties that I won't sever. I might stretch my relationship a bit.. especially if I move to another state.. but let's face it.. I have very little in my life to motivate me to do anything. I continue on my path... enjoying the sunshine one day.. and the rain the next.. and I'll plant my flowers along the side of the road and watch them grow.. but that doesn't mean I'll build a house there.. I don't know that I'll ever stop at any point in my life and stagnate. I don't really plan on it. ...but who knows? I do a lot of things now that I really don't have planned... and to be honest.. I am not worried about much at the moment.
Some people live most of their life.. in fear of something happening... afraid to taste what life has to offer.. well.. you've heard of "Man vs Food" ....I'm like that.. and my food of choice is now life.. I am getting sidetracked a little on my journey along to my destination... but that's just it.. I have no destination... I really don't care what happens. I have set short term goals and will take care of striving toward that.. but I don't have long term goals any more... because there are too many inconsistencies in life to focus on anything long term. I always adapt to my surroundings... and I overcome the adversities that I've faced in the past... I will continue to be who I am... and do what I have to do.. to be what I need to be.. not for anyone else.. just for me.
Comments
Post a Comment