Anything Is Possible.

Will power... I've always said that a person can do anything they set their mind to... the problem is that most times people aren't willing to put forth the effort it takes to do anything major.  The greater the reward.... the greater the effort will take. Sometimes I wonder if there is much reason to put forth any effort.  Right now I know that any effort toward any changes will be somewhat fruitless... but I still continue to strive to be the best person I can be on a continual basis... What does that entail?  ...I might consider myself a good person.. but what about the people around me?  Does it really matter? It seems like the deeper I dig into this.. the more questions I come up with.. In seeking answers, sometimes we tend to wind up more confused than ever.  There are times I want to give up putting any effort into my life whatsoever.. but then I can't complain if I don't take an active part in it.. I don't like being passive.. and at this point, there's not much I can be except passive.  I feel like I am still drifting through the limbo that is my life.. and I know that I beat that dead horse into the ground.. but it's the most overshadowing element in my life right now.. it's what permeates my brain and is the basis for much of my thoughts...  I try not to dwell on it too much, but it's like a person trying to ignore the mess if they live in a waste treatment plant.. There's just so much shit that you can put up with... and then you have to make an effort to clean a bit of it up.

It's too hot here... it wouldn't be so bad if the moisture in the air didn't make it like a sauna. I toyed with the idea several times of going out in it and just enjoying the sunshine.. but that was before the temperatures popped up in the 90s...  it's just too miserable to enjoy anything in that heat..  I almost feel like it contributes to keeping me locked up in my room... I need to work on changing my habits... to get out of here.. even if it's just to take the kids to the park... or even if I could work a day on the weekend.. I don't know.. just something... and I get farther and farther behind on my training... I thought I could breeze through it.. but it takes awhile longer than I thought.  I'm trying to make a list of all the things I have to accomplish.. and the things I want to accomplish...  ...maybe that will organize me a bit better.... I also ran across my bucket list a few times lately.. there's so much on that I don't think I'll ever get to.. but it doesn't stop me from dreaming about it.. of course several things on that list are no longer an option.. but I will work on making the necessary changes.  I should use that list to start a new one.. of even remotely possible things I can do..  but as I said before... Anything is possible.