The Only Person Who Sets My Schedule.. Is Me.

Sleeping is overrated sometimes... I tried to sleep earlier.. because I really felt tired.. but sometimes I just let life overwhelm me.... and I end up having my soul agitated.  There is so much going on at work.. that it all is starting to weigh heavily on me.. along with all the regular bullshit I get here at home... the stuff I've blogged about so many times that I'd feel unjustified in having to bring it up again.   We all have a set pattern of sleep.. for the most part anyway.... our bodies get used to it.. and then we develop a norm.. or routine.  Even now.. with me up at 1 am... I could stay up another hour or so.. and still probably my eyes would pop open at 5 am... I don't like that... well.. in one sense... in another.. it keeps me from being late at my job... I feel a certain loyalty or dedication to my job.. even if it doesn't have a dedication to me.. the same as people.. I feel a certain bit of obligation to be there.. even though I really don't have to do anything I don't want to do.  As we live though, we learn common respect for other people.  I try not to get distracted when I am talking with someone... or at least not in a group setting.. just like I expect people who are a part of my life.. to show me enough respect to pay attention to me..   I remember when I quit Wal-Mart.. my manager didn't have the common decency to look me in the eye.. and stop doodling on his paper... while I was explaining why I quit. That burned me up more than anything... I was going to give them a 2 week notice.. but after that.. there was no way in hell I would.  When I am with my students... I try to give each student a chance to talk.... without being interrupted.. and it bugs the hell out of me when I go to give a lecture.. and half my class is engaged in  another activity.  What is wrong with people.. have they just lost the ability to show a little respect?  Every person seems to have lost the ability to focus on what is going on in front of them... I don't mind if someone has something to do... but tell me first... if a student has to finish up another assignment.. or working on a time sensitive activity.. fine... If a person gets an interruption that causes them to need to be away for a bit.. okay.. but find some way to let me know... for the most part.. those people that are in my life... tend to be able to do that... and if they don't.. does it make me angry... not really angry.. it's just that I refuse to put up with having to compete for attention.. that's why I have stopped a lecture in class..in mid-sentence.. and walked to my back office.   I still take into allowance that there might be things beyond control that distracts someone.. but I handle it pretty much the same way... "you're busy... we'll continue this later"  ....and that's as simple as it can get.. it's evidently true... and if someone.. friend.. student.. whoever wants me to continue, it isn't happening..  I try not to let life get to me anymore.. nor do I try to let one person have control over what  I am... the only person who sets my schedule... is me.