It Has To.

Each morning I wake up.. as everyone else does.. wondering what the day has in store.. and for quite awhile, I have this massive black cloud  over my life.. only because I choose to let it linger there.  I really wish I could fix it.. but it will take drastic action on my part to make it go away.  I am always thinking that maybe things will get better if I wait long enough, but in reality, I need to start making plans.. now..  That way if nothing happens on its own, I am still ready to take over and do what I need to do.

I think every Monday... I wake up with the idea that this week is going to be different. that something of consequence will happen this week.. and even though I'm not exactly sure what that will be.. as the week rolls on.. I realize that this week is going to be like any other.. and nothing is happening.  I need to learn to be self sufficient.. which I am mostly anyway... but I need not to worry about what is going on with others.. and just take charge of my life.

We tend to shy away from situations that are uncomfortable.... or we endure things we wouldn't normally endure... because of the aversion we have to change, but I'm ready for that change.. and have been for a long time... Still, even when I say that,  I worry about the consequences of change in my life. Life tends to be choosy about who gets to be completely happy.. and who stays miserable.. I don't know what I will do in the future.. but the change is coming.. it has to..